Hanging On To Hope

It has been a busy summer. Time to get back to my more regular routine. I've had a few major ups and downs, and I needed to journal today. What follows is my journal entry for today. It's pretty dark because I was feeling pretty dark. But I penned the last paragraph with tears streaming down my face. God showed up today. Even in the midst of my doubt and hopelessness. That's what I love about my God. I can be brutally honest with Him about my feelings... my immature, uninformed, self-centered feelings... and He still loves me and moves me. So, here goes...

I want so much to faithfully serve the Lord, to honor Him, glorify Him, and be a part of His family. But I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in. It sometimes feels like His Word doesn't apply to me. I feel like I have failed at the most important job in the world.

God, I have prayed your Word and stood on scriptures like one I read today for almost 30 years. Yet I see no evidence of those prayers being answered. So much has already been lost, thrown away, traded for an all-consuming addiction. Can it ever be redeemed?

I feel like the older I get, the more bogged down with guilt and regret I get. Instead of getting better, I continue to fail. Can I ever again have hope? I don't want to become a bitter old lady. My theme has been "Hope" for the past nine years. I have lived on hope. But it almost feels like it's running out. If it has run out for this one I love so much, how can I continue in it? How can I continue to trust? If it wasn't enough for my loved one, how can it be enough for me?

If my prayers for this situation remain unanswered, how can I expect future prayers to be answered? Did I not pray good enough? hard enough? often enough? long enough? Did I not believe enough? trust enough? hope enough? How can I go on with my faith in tact?

I love you, Lord, and I don't know how to live life any other way. So I will go on in faith. I will continue to trust steadily, hope unswervingly, and love extravagantly. And You will come through. I don't know how. I don't know when. I don't know where. But I am believing for a miracle--whatever it may look like.

Surely the Lord is in the Place!

I read my “Jesus Calling” Devotional this morning, and it talked about Jacob when he was in the desert, fleeing for his life. (Genesis 28) When he lay down to sleep that night, all he had for a pillow was a rock. But he had a dream about the presence of God. When he woke up, he exclaimed, “Surely the Lord is in this place and I did not know it!”

The devotional continued to instruct me to proclaim those same words at times when the Lord seems so distant. Then ask Him to reveal Himself to me in that very situation. So that’s what I will do…

… when uncertainty clouds my view of the future, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in the place!”

… when fear consumes my present, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

… when I’ve blown it and fallen into sin yet again, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

… when life feels completely out of control and there’s nothing I can do to change things, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

… when darkness encroaches and attempts to consume me, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

… when self-pity launches me into a downward spiral, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

Then I will plead with Jesus to reveal Himself to me in those desolate places, and I will praise Him and declare that He is my Unswerving Hope.

Exposing The Lie

Last week we gave our left-over pizza to a homeless man on a street corner. His face was bloodied--did he fall or did someone beat him up? I don't know, but a couple of pieces of pizza and a quick, "God bless!" won't help him much.

So how do we help? How do we expose The Lie that this man and many others like him may believe--that they are worthless, unloved and unable to be of any value to this world--that no one cares about them--that everyone has written them off including parents, siblings and friends--that they are the refuse of society?

From what I have learned over the past few years, most people who live on the street are very intelligent and highly creative. They would have much to offer if only they could get free from The Lie. How do we convince them of their value--that they do have something to offer--that even if parents, siblings and friends have written them off, God hasn't?! How do we do more than offer them our left-overs when we're so stuffed (again!) that we can't eat another bite? How can we show them the love of Christ without enabling their self-destructive behavior? These are not rhetorical questions. I really want to know and I'm really asking God.

My life has been sheltered and far from the world of poverty and homelessness. But now, every time I see a person on the street, a drug addict or alcoholic, I don't just see a homeless person. I see somebody's child, somebody's sibling, perhaps even somebody's father or mother. But they've lost everything including those relationships. They've traded it all in for a life on the street because of The Lie.

God, please tell me--how can we expose The Lie? How can I share My Unswerving Hope to someone is such a hopeless situation?