I'm going to be sharing this story tomorrow night with a large group of ladies at our church in the form of an interview. I'm feeling butterflies and I think about it. I'm a better writer than speaker... not sure I'm great at either, but I feel like God has given me a message that I can't keep to myself. So, I'd like to try it on you all. Here goes...
Tell us a little
bit about yourself and how your Christian Journey.
I grew up in a Christian home, but it was one where being a
Christian meant going to church every Sunday and being good—or at least looking
good. As I became a wife and a mom, I worked very hard at making sure everyone
thought my life was perfect. And, for the most part, it was good. Then I came
across a book by Kay Arthur, called As Silver Refined. It opened up a whole new
perspective for me. In the book, she talks about disappointments being God
appointments, about how God refines us through difficulties. In the beginning,
she tells the story of an ancient silver smith and the process he goes through
in refining silver, and she compares that with how God refines us…
The silversmith starts with an ugly piece of ore that has been taken from the ground. First, he has to smash the ore with a hammer. Once he has crushed the ore, he puts it in a crucible and builds a fire. Now the fire must be very, very hot, but not too hot. He puts the crucible in the fire, but the silver is very precious, so he never leaves its side. He carefully watches as the metal melts and the impurities rise to the top. He skims the impurities off the top then allows the crucible to cool. But he is not finished. Again, he builds up his fire. It must be very hot--hot enough to melt the precious metal in the crucible, but not too hot. Again, the impurities rise to the top and he skims them off. He goes through this process several times. He finally know his work is complete when he looks into the crucible of silver... and sees his own reflection.
That is what God is doing with us... refining us as silver.
I didn’t realize until later what a divine appointment
reading that book was for me. God was preparing me for some really tough times
in life.
Our theme tonight
is new life. What symbolizes new
life for you?
We have a little Prairie Fire Crab Apple tree on our property. It has become a
symbol of new life… persistent, enduring, relentless new life. It is a story of
redemption.
Why is this tree
so special?
This tree was given to us almost 9 years ago by my nephew’s
baseball team. Our older daughter had been to many of
their baseball games.
Tell us a little
bit about your daughter.
She was a happy-go-lucky, bubbly, silly 15-year-old. We
lived out West and she loved to spend much of her summers with our family here in the Midwest. She
often went to my nephew’s baseball games. She
got to know those boys, and they were all great friends. In March, 2004, we moved back to the Midwest, and that transition was difficult for my daughter. My priority for the next
three years was to get her through that transition and through high school. But
just three months later, we got the call no parent ever wants to receive. There
had been an accident. Our beautiful, vibrant daughter had been killed instantly…
That little Prairie Fire tree had
been given to us in her memory. We planted it between two giant rocks on our
property and I turned the whole area into a prayer garden.
You have told me
before that there were days following the accident that were difficult to even
get out of bed. I am sure creating your prayer garden gave you something
physically to do. What else did
God give you to help you move forward.
We were preparing to go back out West to do a memorial
service at our church there—for her friends. I was thinking and praying about
what I would say to them. They were really struggling with their faith and I
wanted to be authentic with them. I didn't want to spout scripture and I didn’t want them to think that I thought my daughter was perfect. That made me think of the scripture in 1 Corinthians
where Paul says, “when I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a
child, I reasoned like a child” I knew that the friend they knew talked like
a 15-year-old, thought like a 15-year-old, and reasoned like a 15-year-old. But
she was not that 15-year-old anymore. I looked the scripture up in the Message
Bible, and suddenly, God was speaking directly to me! Not to my daughter's
friends. He gave me a word to hang on to that has gotten me through on days
when I didn’t feel like going on. The words jumped off the page at me and
brought healing to my devastated heart.
1 Corinthians 13:12-13
The Message (MSG)
12 We
don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through
a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun
shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees
us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13 But
for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to
lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope
unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
For my daughter, the weather has cleared and the sun shines bright! She sees it all--as clearly as God sees her. She knows Him directly just as He knows her. But for us, we're still squinting in the fog and peering through the mist. We don't understand. And until we do, we have three things to do: trust steadily, hope unswervingly and love extravagantly. [hence, the name of this blog!]
As you were holding on to that hope and
moving forward, tell us what happened to your beautiful tree.
In the fall 2008, a huge windstorm blew through and
snapped our little Prairie Fire tree off at its base. It was the saddest day we
had experienced since the event that brought us the tree in the first place. I
thought, “How can you be so mean, God?” The one living symbol we had of our
daughter’s life had been ripped from the ground just as she had been ripped
from our arms. It was so painful to see it lying rootless on the ground, so my
husband built a fire. We held each other and cried as we watched that broken
little tree go up in flames.
As you were working through that pain with
God, you had another chapter of life that was developing. Tell us about that.
The 12 months following the day our little tree was broken
are like a blur in my memory. Our granddaughter, who my son named her after his
sister, who he loved so much, was a year old. Things with her parents were not going well, and she was in a foster home. I
thought, “God, how can my granddaughter be in a foster home?!” I made 10 trips
to Arizona in 12 months. We were trying to get custody of her and bring her to
live with us, but being so far away and having state agencies involved made it
difficult. I was full of grief and even anger toward God. We were at the mercy
of the system, but isn’t the system at the mercy of God? Couldn’t he move us
through the red tape and bureaucracy to get our granddaughter home? How could
He let her sit there in a foster home when she could be here with us? And, by
the way, couldn’t He have spared our little tree?! What would have been so hard
about that for the God of the universe?
How did God show his tenderness through all
of this?
God is so full of grace and mercy. In my grief and rage, I felt His
presence… even more so than usual. I vented my anger at Him in one breath and
plead for his forgiveness in the next. And I believe He understood and loved me
through it. So did my friends. God was gracious enough to put several people in
my life who watched me struggle and squirm… who heard me rant and rave… Who
were sometimes even targets of my anger. But they also understood and loved me
through it.
I remember that year, as you struggled with anger
and doubt but then God began sprout those seeds of hope again.
In the spring of 2009, I went out to work on my prayer
garden, and to my delight, I saw several little shoots coming up from the roots
of my little Prairie Fire! I carefully cultivated the soil around it. I watched
it and cared for it as best I knew how. Eventually, one shoot stood out among
the rest, so I pruned the rest off and watched all summer as that one shoot
continued to grow and eventually became a whole new tree! Then in the late summer
of 2009, we made one more trip out West and brought our beautiful little girl
home with us! She has brought so much life to our too-quiet empty nest…
sometimes more than we can handle!
You have been on quite a journey with God. From this experience, what would be
your message to all of us?
Whether your life is going well,
or you’re going through a difficult trial, be authentic with God. Even if you
are angry with Him, confess that to Him. Don’t try to be something you’re not.
Seek Him with everything you’ve got. He’ll give you something to hold on to. He
gave me 1 Corinthians 13:12-13. He may not give you the same verse, but He’ll
give you something. He may not give you a tree that tells the story of
persistent, relentless life, but he’ll give you something.
Up and up I climbed, breathing heavily, (yes, I'm more than a little out of shape!) but so thankful for more light. Everything started looking more yellow and bright. The added brightness was enough to spur me on. I even met a little toad on the way up. He startled me at first, but then he hesitated so I could take his picture. I finally made it to the top and caught my breath. 
Light and fresh air have always been really important to me. Maybe it's because I grew up in the country with lots of wide open space. Our farm house was huge and was surrounded by corn fields and pastures. Yes, I need my space and lots of light, but I've had my share of dark valleys too. 
Grieving the loss of a child was one of them. Continuing to pray and
believe for one so dear, who is trapped in a darkness of his own, is another. But God is faithful, and my intense need for light pushes
me forward and upward. I can't stay in the darkness for long. I'm so
thankful for the light of Christ that gives me hope... that keeps me
plodding along. 
