Humility: The Right and the Wrong of It

Humility: The Wrong and the Right of It


I’ve been reading a lot about pride and humility lately. They are both so much more complex than they appear. Despite what I was raised to believe, humility does not equal self-loathing. And I have recently learned how easily pride can disguise itself as humility. Who knew that it was my pride that was compelling me to be conformed to the mold of “humility” that was actually a false humility!

According to C.S. Lewis, the wrong end of humility involves having a “certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of [one’s] own talents and character.” It is trying to believe that my talents are less valuable than someone else’s (which may or may not be true). That makes me become defensive and easily offended. It also keeps me from accomplishing anything for God! It is like “pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools.” Lewis goes on to say that, since what they are trying to believe is not true, they will not succeed in believing it. But in the never-ending attempt to believe this lie about themselves, their minds are “endlessly revolving on themselves in an effort to achieve the impossible.” In trying so hard to be what we think is humble, we become self-absorbed, overly introspective and totally ineffective for God. Not only that, Lewis says that, “self contempt can be made the starting point for contempt of other selves, and thus for gloom, cynicism, and cruelty.” All the while we thought we were trying to be humble, we have become gloomy, cynical and even cruel! We’ve come to “love” our neighbors with the same contempt with which we “love” ourselves--not even close to what God wants to do in us.

The right end of humility—God’s goal for humility—is for one “to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbour’s talents.” Lewis says God wants to restore to us “a new kind of self-love—a charity and gratitude for all selves, including their own; when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbours.”

Wouldn’t it be great to be that free?! Am I the only one who struggles with this? To be so free from my own bias, from trying so hard to be noticed and affirmed, and yet remain “humble”… to be able to rejoice in someone else’s talents as well as my own would be real freedom for me!

To rejoice in my own accomplishments without pride… is that possible? According to Lewis, with the right end of humility, it is.

A Puritan Prayer

Lord, High and Holy, meek and lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
  where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights,
  hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
  that the way down is the way up,
  that to be low is to be high,
  that the broken heart is the healed heart,
  that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
  that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
  that to have nothing is to possess all,
  that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
  that to give is to receive,
  that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells
  and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
     thy life in my death,
     thy joy in my sorrow,
     thy grace in my sin,
     thy riches in my poverty,
     thy glory in my valley.

--from The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions

As quoted in Broken by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Blessed Are the Poor In Spirit

Sometimes this faith journey feels so paradoxical, so confusing, so hard...

Jesus calls us to be poor in spirit. But the moment that I recognize my poverty of spirit, I become rich in my spiritual poverty and I've missed the mark. Jesus calls me to be humble, but the second I realize my goal of humility, it vanishes because I've become proud of it.

Oswald Chambers says, "I can be so rich in poverty, so rich in consciousness that I am nobody, that I shall never be a disciple of Jesus; and I can be so rich in the consciousness that I am somebody that I shall never be a disciple. Am I willing to be destitute of the sense that I am destitute?"

"But what if nobody notices that I'm poor in spirit? I must point it out to them!" No! I must not! The title of one of Oswald Chambers' devotionals is "The Ministry of the Unnoticed." Do I want to be involved in the ministry of the unnoticed? My whole life I've been trying to get noticed! I talk loudly, and I talk alot. I'm animated when I talk--arms flailing, head bobbing. I'm always trying to be funny--trying to get a laugh. I am always trying to get noticed.

This is one of the dark areas of my life that Jesus wants to clean up. I can be of no use to him if my goal is to be noticed. There's a band I like called, "Take No Glory." When I read that name, I was humbled. I realized that, in my quest to get noticed, sometimes I try to steal God's glory. That is something He will not stand for. God will NOT share his glory. In fact, that was what caused the fall of Lucifer! Yikes!

O.C. says, "The true character of the loveliness that tells for God is always unconscious. Conscious influence is priggish and un-Christian. If I say--I wonder if I am of any use--I instantly lose the bloom of the touch of the Lord." So I'm striving for a goal that I can never reach because as soon as I do, I fall all the way back to the beginning. I don't get to "pass Go" I don't get to "collect $200." What I need to do is keep plodding along, being obedient to God, never asking if I've succeeded because obedience is the goal, not success.

So, I need to keep Matthew 5:3 in front of my eyes... "Blessed are the poor in spirit..."

Elusive Humility, Deceitfull Pride

I've never thought of myself as having an issue with pride--at least not for a long time. But is it possible to be prideful in your humility? Yeah, the instant I start recognizing and relishing any humility, it immediately vanishes. Poof! Gone. How are we to seek something that at the very moment we grasp it, we destroy it?

Oh, the elusiveness of humility and the deceitfulness of pride!

God started dealing with me on this through a book I read by Joanna Weaver called "Having a Mary Spirit." I came across this book by accident. Like I've done so many times, I received it through the book club because I didn't return the little card in time. Sometimes, the books I get that way are the ones I need the most. They are the ones I don't think apply to me, but God knows they do!

Anyway, I always thought I must be more of a Mary because I really hate housework and I'm not the greatest cook. But I'm beginning to realize that just because I'm not a domestic goddess doesn't mean I'm not a doer. So I connected with this book way more than I thought I would.

Back to the main point... One of the chapters in Joanna's book is all about pride. Again, not my issue, right? Wrong! The main thing that got my attention was "The Pride Test." I was shocked at how many of the symptoms I possess! I have been oblivious to my pride! Some of the symptoms of this deceitful character flaw are:

Being easily swayed by others' opinions
Getting huffy and defensive when criticized
Hungering for admiration and praise--wanting to be the center of attention (ouch!)
Making sure others notice good works and demanding credit
Self-indulgent; making personal comfort a priority
Easily offended
Responding to problems with self-pity
Obsessing over obvious failures (pow!)
Resenting responsibilities and the lack of peace that often accompanies them
Loving people who love her (as opposed to feeling God's heart toward all humanity)

There are more symptoms, but these are the ones that reverberated through my spirit. I've known they were issues for me, but I never associated them with the sin of pride! I thought obsessing over my obvious failures was a sign of humility or insecurity, not pride!

If you've read any of my previous posts, you probably recognized more of these symptoms in me than I would like.

Now I'm off to finish "The Prodigal God," by Timothy Keller. This little book is about the elder brother in the parable of the prodigal son. Oh, how that is resonating with me as well. The elder brother may have followed all the rules and looked good on the outside, but his heart was far from God and he was full of, you guessed it, PRIDE! God's work is never really done, is it?