Larry Crabb asks the question, "We see conflict and failure as our enemies. How might these instead be the context for discerning the real enemy from which God seeks to free us?"
I have avoided conflict my whole life. Sorry, Duck Dynasty, I coined the phrase, "Happy, happy, happy" long before anyone knew you! I just want everyone to be happy and get along. I can't stand tension. Left to myself, I will flee any conflict long before I'll seek to resolve it. The tension makes me crazy, tongue-tied and illogical. I get sucked into rabbit trails and argue insignificant details as i lose sight of the real issue at hand.
I also avoid failure. I often give up on projects for fear of failure. I want to quit my job at almost every new sermon series for fear of failure. I have started many more things than I have completed, i.e. college degree programs. I can count at least seven that I started and zero that I have completed.
How can I sue all that, plus my feelings of failing at the most important job in the world (parenting) to discern the real enemy from which God wants to free me? Fear, Selfishness, Pride, Envy, Jealousy, Laziness, Food Addiction, Religiosity, In-authenticity: These things in me must die! God will stop at nothing in His quest to make me holy. He stopped at nothing on His part in leaving Heaven and allow humanity to brutalize Him. And He will stop at nothing on my part. Even to the point of seeming distant and uncaring. God loves me too much to coddle me. He is preparing me for eternity with Him.
Lord, forgive me for seeking the lesser blessings rather than seeking holiness. Forgive me for being angry with You for not being my "Giant Santa in the Sky" by giving me everything I think I need. I submit myself to Your loving discipline as You use conflict and failure in my life to free me from the things in my life that would separate me from You. Thank You that You desire to allow me into Your presence more than You desire to bestow temporary relief from conflict and failure.
Showing posts with label pride. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pride. Show all posts
Monday, November 4, 2013
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Opportunities for Transformation
My last post was about crucifixion moments, which are opportunities for transformation. I am seeing those opportunities at every turn these days. I am wrestling with so many things in my mind and spirit. I have so many things that I just don’t want to give up and yet God is calling me to a level of surrender that I’ve not previously known.
These things I need to surrender are not all heinous sins, but they are things that vie for God’s position in my life. I just read in my Bible study this morning, “Being ruled by something other than God diminishes our commitment and will make us feel increasingly distant from Him. Being ruled by anything other than God is something God takes quite seriously. And so should I.” –Lysa Terkheurst
These things that I need to surrender are things that my flesh feels like it needs. And my flesh is not relinquishing them quietly or easily. There is something in me that needs to die, and it’s not dying without a fight—a painful, bloody fight. Not physical blood of course, but there is a tearing, scratching, clawing going on in my soul as I battle to kick some things out of my life that aren’t going to leave nicely.
Right now, I have a couple of opportunities for transformation, and I do not want those opportunities to pass me by! As Lysa Terkheurst says, “I don’t want to wander about in a desert, unable to enter into the abundant life God has for me because I willfully put Him to the test over food!” Or any other issues in my life.
Sometimes, what comes to mind is, “Haven’t I surrendered enough? I’ve dealt with so many hard things as a mom, as a wife, as a daughter and a sister. How much more do I need to surrender?" And I hear God say, “Everything… your pride, your rights, your vices of escape and distraction… everything.”
[Heavy sigh.] And I know He’s right. He is offering me several opportunities for transformation into His image and I would be a fool to let them pass me by. So, as I start my day, I press into My Unswerving Hope and say, I will continue to the fight, transform away!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Crucifixion Moments
We’re all faced with them every day, those opportunities to die to ourselves… one tiny step at a time. They can seem so insignificant. You and I could be in the same room… even involved in the same conversation, and you may not notice my crucifixion moment. In fact, I may miss it myself. How often have I missed a crucifixion moment, and along with it, a chance to be transformed?
Nancy Leigh De Moss talks about crucifixion moments in her book, “Brokenness.” She says, “Every time you are confronted with a crucifixion moment, choose to lay down your self-life. Choose to surrender you pride, your expectations, your rights, your demands. Choose the way of the cross. Let someone else get the credit you deserve, forego the opportunity to have the last word, die to the demands of your flesh.”
Those are some tough things to lay down—my rights, the opportunity to have the last word, letting someone else get the credit I deserve? Ouch! Crucifixion moments can happen in our daily circumstances—a stressful job, a difficult relationship, family conflicts. I can choose to fight against those circumstances, responding in pride, resisting and resenting them or even giving in to despair. Or, according to DeMoss, “We can choose to respond in humility, to submit to the hand of God and allow Him to mold and shape us through the pressure.”
I’m really asking God to help me see those crucifixion moments as opportunities for transformation. So that instead of bristling and retaliating, I will allow God to break me—to break my pride—to make me more like Him. Lord, help me, during my crucifixion moments… to be more like you… and choose the way of the cross.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Humility: The Right and the Wrong of It
Humility: The Wrong and the Right of It
I’ve been reading a lot about pride and humility lately. They are both so much more complex than they appear. Despite what I was raised to believe, humility does not equal self-loathing. And I have recently learned how easily pride can disguise itself as humility. Who knew that it was my pride that was compelling me to be conformed to the mold of “humility” that was actually a false humility!
According to C.S. Lewis, the wrong end of humility involves having a “certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of [one’s] own talents and character.” It is trying to believe that my talents are less valuable than someone else’s (which may or may not be true). That makes me become defensive and easily offended. It also keeps me from accomplishing anything for God! It is like “pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools.” Lewis goes on to say that, since what they are trying to believe is not true, they will not succeed in believing it. But in the never-ending attempt to believe this lie about themselves, their minds are “endlessly revolving on themselves in an effort to achieve the impossible.” In trying so hard to be what we think is humble, we become self-absorbed, overly introspective and totally ineffective for God. Not only that, Lewis says that, “self contempt can be made the starting point for contempt of other selves, and thus for gloom, cynicism, and cruelty.” All the while we thought we were trying to be humble, we have become gloomy, cynical and even cruel! We’ve come to “love” our neighbors with the same contempt with which we “love” ourselves--not even close to what God wants to do in us.
The right end of humility—God’s goal for humility—is for one “to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbour’s talents.” Lewis says God wants to restore to us “a new kind of self-love—a charity and gratitude for all selves, including their own; when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbours.”
Wouldn’t it be great to be that free?! Am I the only one who struggles with this? To be so free from my own bias, from trying so hard to be noticed and affirmed, and yet remain “humble”… to be able to rejoice in someone else’s talents as well as my own would be real freedom for me!
To rejoice in my own accomplishments without pride… is that possible? According to Lewis, with the right end of humility, it is.
I’ve been reading a lot about pride and humility lately. They are both so much more complex than they appear. Despite what I was raised to believe, humility does not equal self-loathing. And I have recently learned how easily pride can disguise itself as humility. Who knew that it was my pride that was compelling me to be conformed to the mold of “humility” that was actually a false humility!
According to C.S. Lewis, the wrong end of humility involves having a “certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of [one’s] own talents and character.” It is trying to believe that my talents are less valuable than someone else’s (which may or may not be true). That makes me become defensive and easily offended. It also keeps me from accomplishing anything for God! It is like “pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools.” Lewis goes on to say that, since what they are trying to believe is not true, they will not succeed in believing it. But in the never-ending attempt to believe this lie about themselves, their minds are “endlessly revolving on themselves in an effort to achieve the impossible.” In trying so hard to be what we think is humble, we become self-absorbed, overly introspective and totally ineffective for God. Not only that, Lewis says that, “self contempt can be made the starting point for contempt of other selves, and thus for gloom, cynicism, and cruelty.” All the while we thought we were trying to be humble, we have become gloomy, cynical and even cruel! We’ve come to “love” our neighbors with the same contempt with which we “love” ourselves--not even close to what God wants to do in us.
The right end of humility—God’s goal for humility—is for one “to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbour’s talents.” Lewis says God wants to restore to us “a new kind of self-love—a charity and gratitude for all selves, including their own; when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbours.”
Wouldn’t it be great to be that free?! Am I the only one who struggles with this? To be so free from my own bias, from trying so hard to be noticed and affirmed, and yet remain “humble”… to be able to rejoice in someone else’s talents as well as my own would be real freedom for me!
To rejoice in my own accomplishments without pride… is that possible? According to Lewis, with the right end of humility, it is.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Noticer
I love to be noticed. I talk loudly, I laugh loudly, I even sneeze loudly. Why do I have this innate desire to be noticed?
I like to wear bright colors. I love to joke around and be the life of the party. I like high heels, even though I’m tall. Why? Because I want to be noticed!
Sometimes I’m driven to succeed. I often trample over friends and people I love to do so. God help anyone who gets in my way when I have a goal in mind. All because I want to be noticed!
I write a blog partly because I want someone to notice me. I want to be important. I want to do something that matters. I want to make a difference. I want to be noticed.
And yet, God sits quietly in the background, waiting-- waiting for me to run crying into His arms. He knows that no matter how loud I am, or how brightly dressed, no matter how funny I am, and no matter how many loved ones I trample to achieve success, either I will fail to get noticed or the attention I receive won’t fill me the way I thought it would. He sits there quietly… noticing.
God notices when I sit all alone in my chair, pouring out my heart, my grief and my joy to Him. He notices when I stand in a crowd of hundreds of people worshiping Him. He notices when I stand in a group of women, feeling invisible or inadequate. He notices when I’m serving after everyone else has gone home. He notices when I gently, lovingly care for my little girl. He notices when I defer to and give my husband the respect he longs for and deserves.
Why do I crave the attention of people when I already have the attention of All Mighty God? Why would I ever want anything more than that?
I like to wear bright colors. I love to joke around and be the life of the party. I like high heels, even though I’m tall. Why? Because I want to be noticed!
Sometimes I’m driven to succeed. I often trample over friends and people I love to do so. God help anyone who gets in my way when I have a goal in mind. All because I want to be noticed!
I write a blog partly because I want someone to notice me. I want to be important. I want to do something that matters. I want to make a difference. I want to be noticed.
And yet, God sits quietly in the background, waiting-- waiting for me to run crying into His arms. He knows that no matter how loud I am, or how brightly dressed, no matter how funny I am, and no matter how many loved ones I trample to achieve success, either I will fail to get noticed or the attention I receive won’t fill me the way I thought it would. He sits there quietly… noticing.
God notices when I sit all alone in my chair, pouring out my heart, my grief and my joy to Him. He notices when I stand in a crowd of hundreds of people worshiping Him. He notices when I stand in a group of women, feeling invisible or inadequate. He notices when I’m serving after everyone else has gone home. He notices when I gently, lovingly care for my little girl. He notices when I defer to and give my husband the respect he longs for and deserves.
Why do I crave the attention of people when I already have the attention of All Mighty God? Why would I ever want anything more than that?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
A Puritan Prayer
Lord, High and Holy, meek and lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights,
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.
--from The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions
As quoted in Broken by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights,
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.
--from The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions
As quoted in Broken by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Living in the Shallows
I have often confessed that I have been shallow and would have been content to remain that way but that God wouldn't let me stay there. I have seen my shallowness as sin and refusal to be all that God called me to be.
That's why I love yesterday's devotional in My Utmost for His Highest. Oswald Chambers tells me that "the shallow concerns of life are ordained by God." He says that, "To be shallow is not a sign of being wicked, nor is shallowness a sign that there are no deeps.” What a relief! He even goes so far as to say that I should “Beware of posing as a profound person.” How often I have done that because I viewed my shallowness as a character flaw. But Chambers tells me that, “it is not my devotion to God that makes me refuse to be shallow, but [my] wish to impress other people with the fact that [I am] not shallow, which is a sure sign that [I am] a spiritual prig.” Ouch! What crude sounding language from Oswald! What is a prig anyway? I looked it up. It’s not as crude as I thought, but makes good sense: “Somebody who is regarded as taking pride in behaving in a very correct and proper way, and in feeling morally superior to others.” Very humbling—God, forgive me. It’s not my shallowness that is sin, but my pretending not to be!
I’m relieved to know that my shallowness is not a sign of wickedness or that I have no depth—I know that I do. But, as Chambers says, “our safeguard is in the shallow things.” Sometimes we need to quit taking ourselves so seriously and just enjoy life. Sometimes we need to pull ourselves out of the grief, self-pity and condemnation that we often get bogged down in and just live in the shallows.Chambers tells me that if I refuse to allow anyone in my life who doesn’t meet my standard of depth, then the first person I’d have to kick out of my life as being the biggest fraud I’ve ever known is… myself!
So, starting today, I’ve decided to quit beating myself up for being shallow. I’ll also quit judging anyone else for living in the shallows. I know that I have depth and I will visit there often, but I can’t live there all the time, and I certainly can’t pretend to be there when I’m not! As Oswald Chambers says, “[even] the Ocean has a shore.” And so do I.
That's why I love yesterday's devotional in My Utmost for His Highest. Oswald Chambers tells me that "the shallow concerns of life are ordained by God." He says that, "To be shallow is not a sign of being wicked, nor is shallowness a sign that there are no deeps.” What a relief! He even goes so far as to say that I should “Beware of posing as a profound person.” How often I have done that because I viewed my shallowness as a character flaw. But Chambers tells me that, “it is not my devotion to God that makes me refuse to be shallow, but [my] wish to impress other people with the fact that [I am] not shallow, which is a sure sign that [I am] a spiritual prig.” Ouch! What crude sounding language from Oswald! What is a prig anyway? I looked it up. It’s not as crude as I thought, but makes good sense: “Somebody who is regarded as taking pride in behaving in a very correct and proper way, and in feeling morally superior to others.” Very humbling—God, forgive me. It’s not my shallowness that is sin, but my pretending not to be!
I’m relieved to know that my shallowness is not a sign of wickedness or that I have no depth—I know that I do. But, as Chambers says, “our safeguard is in the shallow things.” Sometimes we need to quit taking ourselves so seriously and just enjoy life. Sometimes we need to pull ourselves out of the grief, self-pity and condemnation that we often get bogged down in and just live in the shallows.Chambers tells me that if I refuse to allow anyone in my life who doesn’t meet my standard of depth, then the first person I’d have to kick out of my life as being the biggest fraud I’ve ever known is… myself!
So, starting today, I’ve decided to quit beating myself up for being shallow. I’ll also quit judging anyone else for living in the shallows. I know that I have depth and I will visit there often, but I can’t live there all the time, and I certainly can’t pretend to be there when I’m not! As Oswald Chambers says, “[even] the Ocean has a shore.” And so do I.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Pride Can't Wait but the Just Shall Live by Faith
I've been caught by surprise by my pride. It kind of snuck up on me. At times, it has ambushed me! I didn't see it as pride, but more and more, God is revealing it to me in the subtle ways that it has taken shape in my life. I've been unwittingly hiding it. God is good about revealing those kinds of sins when we least expect it.
A few weeks ago, I was blogging about waiting. As of today, it appears that my waiting has ended. I have the thing I was waiting for, but it's not a done deal. It's still possible that I could lose it. I still have some waiting to do.
Today my devotional reading was from Habakkuk 2:2-4. God had showed Hab a vision. In chapter 1, Hab was getting impatient and had done some "righteous complaining" about the wait. God answered:
Habakkuk 2:2-4
My study Bible says that God's instruction to write down the vision was an unusual one. Typically, prophets only spoke the word of the Lord. I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea for us to write down the "visions" or hopes and dreams that God gives us--you know, those things you've been believing God for for years--the salvation of a loved one, the end to some one's endless suffering, the restoration of a relationship. I have some visions and dreams for my kids, my marriage, my church. And I've written some of them on the blog spot.
And I've also complained on this blog spot. Some of it has been righteous complaining and some of it has not. According to my pastor and the first couple of chapters of Habakkuk, there is such a thing as righteous complaining. Laying it all out before God then (this is what makes it righteous) waiting for God's prescription--His instruction--and following through on that instruction. In Hab's case (and more often than not in our cases) the instruction was to wait--in faith.
A proud man would have given up waiting. He would have taken control of the situation and made things happen. Oh, how often I've been guilty of that--until I was faced with situations that were so far out of control that I knew I could do nothing. Those have been the times that I learned the most about God, about His timing, about life, and about myself. Those have been the times when pride was exposed. It was no longer hiding, no longer subtle. It was outright distrust of God. And it took me months to work my way out to where I could trust Him again. But it was
a different kind of trust. A much deeper trust. One that knew that I could get through anything with Him. I was finally able to let go and say with every ounce of sincerity I could muster, "I trust You, Lord," even when nothing about my circumstances had changed.
As this section of scripture ends, while the proud man is not upright in his soul (and obviously doesn't like to wait,) the just shall live by faith--and that involves a lot of waiting!
A few weeks ago, I was blogging about waiting. As of today, it appears that my waiting has ended. I have the thing I was waiting for, but it's not a done deal. It's still possible that I could lose it. I still have some waiting to do.
Today my devotional reading was from Habakkuk 2:2-4. God had showed Hab a vision. In chapter 1, Hab was getting impatient and had done some "righteous complaining" about the wait. God answered:
Habakkuk 2:2-4
My study Bible says that God's instruction to write down the vision was an unusual one. Typically, prophets only spoke the word of the Lord. I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea for us to write down the "visions" or hopes and dreams that God gives us--you know, those things you've been believing God for for years--the salvation of a loved one, the end to some one's endless suffering, the restoration of a relationship. I have some visions and dreams for my kids, my marriage, my church. And I've written some of them on the blog spot.
And I've also complained on this blog spot. Some of it has been righteous complaining and some of it has not. According to my pastor and the first couple of chapters of Habakkuk, there is such a thing as righteous complaining. Laying it all out before God then (this is what makes it righteous) waiting for God's prescription--His instruction--and following through on that instruction. In Hab's case (and more often than not in our cases) the instruction was to wait--in faith.
A proud man would have given up waiting. He would have taken control of the situation and made things happen. Oh, how often I've been guilty of that--until I was faced with situations that were so far out of control that I knew I could do nothing. Those have been the times that I learned the most about God, about His timing, about life, and about myself. Those have been the times when pride was exposed. It was no longer hiding, no longer subtle. It was outright distrust of God. And it took me months to work my way out to where I could trust Him again. But it was
a different kind of trust. A much deeper trust. One that knew that I could get through anything with Him. I was finally able to let go and say with every ounce of sincerity I could muster, "I trust You, Lord," even when nothing about my circumstances had changed.
As this section of scripture ends, while the proud man is not upright in his soul (and obviously doesn't like to wait,) the just shall live by faith--and that involves a lot of waiting!
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