Enjoying Our Arrangement

“It takes a long time to understand that I am not here for you, but that you are here for Me. It takes even longer to enjoy that arrangement. Come to Me in My letters with all your frustrations, hopes and questions, but DO NOT COME EXPECTING that I will advise you on how best to accomplish YOUR agendas. I have a far better plan.” –Larry Crabb in “66 LoveLetters”

Oh Lord, in my self-centered, American way of thinking, this is hard to grasp. It does take a long time and a lot of pain to understand that You are not here for me, but that I am here for You. And You’re right, it takes even longer to enjoy that arrangement. Here’s why…

“The stories I tell convey my message to desperate people, to people miserable enough to realize that their approach to life is horribly and subtly flawed, who want to overcome their biggest flaw more than they want their lives to go well.” –Larry Crabb in “66 Love Letters”

Until we are miserable… until we are desperate for God… until we desire Him more than any comfort or answer to prayer, we will never grasp the correct worldview. As long as we think it's all about us, we will never get it. It’s not all about us, it is all about Him.

We are here for Him and not vice versa. He is not the great Santa in the Sky, ready to pour out gifts and blessings to all the good boys and girls. It just doesn’t work that way. God has a plan and He is working it out. We can participate in that plan or we can beat our heads against a wall, shaking our fists at God when things don’t go our way. But for some of us, it takes a lot of beating our heads and shaking our fists before we finally get it. Then once we get it, we are still often not happy about it. That's about where I am.

Lord, help me go beyond accepting the fact that I am here for You and not vice versa. Help me to actually enjoy this arrangement. Help me to fall so hopelessly in love with You that knowing You, spending time with You, and seeing Your plan come to fruition mean more to me than getting my way. Help me to do more than just survive this arrangement, to go further than existing in it. Do a work in my heart... no, create in me a NEW heart... one that loves You above all else. Amen.

Obedience to the Call, Not the Law

Oh, my blog, I have missed you. It's funny how you don't realize how much you miss someone or something until you see them. That's the way I'm feeling about my journal and my blog. I try never to write in my blog unless I really have something to share. I've not had anything to share because I've not allowed Jesus to speak much lately.

You see, I have this ongoing problem... I like to be busy. As long as I'm busy, I don't have to deal with my junk. I like to make it look like I don't have any junk, but we all know better. I'm sure I'm not as good at hiding my junk as I like to think I am. People who know me see right through me. Probably people who don't know me see through me too.

But Jesus is calling me to obedience. In fact, I've been feeling that "obedience" is my new "hope." "Hope" has been my word for 6 years. I don't know that "obedience" will fully take it's place, but I need to slow down and look at it.

So what is obedience? What is my obedience to? Is it to a set of rules and regulations? Oswald Chambers says no. He says that no man can make himself pure by obeying laws. So what am I to obey?

According to O.C., "Jesus says--If you are MY disciple you must be right not only in your living... but in the recesses of your mind." Oohhhh, the recesses of my mind... the dark, shadowy recesses of my mind. Those places that I work so diligently to hide, to cover up, to gloss over... those places where I hide my junk.

I feel Jesus calling me to come and dine. Come and dine with him in the recesses of my mind. You mean I'm going to sit with the originator of the universe in the cesspool of my mind and have a meal? That we will sit and discuss in detail, each disgusting piece of garbage piled around us? In the same way that I recently cleaned out my basement, creating a "keep" pile, a"sell" pile, a "give away" pile, and the largest pile of all--the "burn" pile, Jesus wants to sift through the recesses of my mind with me. Can't He just do it without me as I run around doing ministry? No. I must be present. I must face my junk, make a decision about each piece, label it, and deal with it. Will I put it in a Rubbermaid tote and replace it? Will I pass it along to someone else who needs it more than I? Or will I burn it? Oh, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

So, Jesus, help me. My selfishness is big and it's ugly. This will take time and it will cause pain. Jesus tells me that I will be so disappointed with myself, that I'll want to give up. But He assures me that we'll only tackle a little bit at a time. I must caution myself not to get so wrapped up in "fixing myself" that I lose my outward focus. However, I also need to not get so wrapped up in my outward focus that I neglect the hard work of walking with Jesus through those dark, shadowy recesses of my mind.

It will be an ongoing process that will need to be maintained. We will never be "finished" until I get to heaven. It's still like my basement. Even though I just cleaned it out, if I don't maintain it, it will end up just like it was... filled with crumbling cardboard boxes, filled with worthless junk that means nothing to anybody and is of no good use, taking up space that could be used for great things... sapping resources that could be used by someone else.

So Jesus, by Your grace, I will come and dine. I will feel the pain and disappointment, and I will keep going when I want to quit. But I will not completely lose my outward focus. There is still much to do. But I can't do it and keep up the charade of covering up my junk. I place my hope in you as I endeavor to obey your call today.