Queen of Denial

Jesus was very clear in Matthew 26:32 that he would die, be raised and see the disciples again on earth... specifically, Galilee.

In their shock and grief, did the disciples forget that He said that? There had to be so much swirling in their heads that weekend. PTSD was not yet a thing, but I'm certain they had it after Christ's crucifixion.

When He said those words, they didn't want to believe Him. They remained in their denial even as He was trying to prepare them for the days ahead. They chose not to believe Him. They chose not to hear Him. Maybe "chose" is not the right word. Their brains didn't want to believe Him. Did they subconsciously block His words?

I think I totally did that when my mom was dying. She tried to prepare me. And it wasn't just words. She was so sick--she was dying right before my eyes and my selfish brain could not deal. So I blocked it. I even told someone it was "all in her head." I can't imagine what they must have thought. What a selfish, spoiled little brat.

I'm so grateful that God allowed me to see my sin, confess it and be forgiven. From that point on, though my default is still denial, I work really hard to see things for what they are, to work through them and obey the Lord in them. I still fail... often... but I am better. And I am more thankful for His grace than ever. That's my unswerving hope.

The Hour Has Come

For weeks now, since John 2:4 I've been reading about how Jesus' time had not yet come. His time had not yet come in John 7:6, 7:8, 7:30 or 8:20.

But, in John 12:23, he said, "Now the time has come for the Son of Man to enter into his glory." And again in John 17:1, "Father, the hour has come. Glorify your son so he can give glory back to you."

The hour has come... the moment Jesus has been preparing for since John 2. It has now come. It is here. But it looks very different than I would expect. And it looked very different than the disciples, ever his mother Mary, expected.

He was not glorified in changing water to wine.
He was not glorified by his amazing wisdom and supernatural teaching.
He was not glorified by walking on water or calming storms.
He was not glorified by casting out demons or raising the dead.
He was not glorified by healing the sick, blind, deaf or lame.

He was glorified in humility--riding on the back of a donkey.
He as glorified in his submission to his Father's will.
He was glorified in suffering and humiliation.
He was glorified in death.

This is not how I picture glorification! I picture glorification in miracles. I picture glorification in healings. I picture glorification in the RESURRECTION...

But how can you have resurrection without first experiencing DEATH? And not just physical death, but also spiritual death. What a savior we have who submitted to this glorification process that looks so opposite from what we would think. He did it for us.

Who Will Roll the Stone Away?

Mark 16:1-8 

"But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away."

So, I heard once, and just remembered, that the stone was not rolled away so that Jesus could get out--He later disappeared and reappeared in different places in the blink of an eye. No stone could keep Him in that grave.

The stone was rolled away so that the women and other disciples (anyone, the world really) could get IN... so that they (we) could see evidence of the resurrection. The stone was rolled away to reveal the resurrection of Jesus. The rolling away of the stone was a divine miracle.

Their savior was dead. Their only hope was buried in a tomb, sealed with a bolder, guarded by soldiers. Their future was bleak. They must have felt abandoned, deserted, cheated, defeated, lost and hopeless. They had staked their future on this man. They had washed his feet with their tears, they had given Him their lives. They had left everything for Him, sacrificed for Him, risked their lives by following Him. And now it was over... dead and buried. Though He was dead, their love for Him was not. They couldn't stay away.

That's what women do... they faced their pain, their fear. They took a risk. They bought the spices and went. Knowing the guards would be there didn't phase them. They didn't even mention them. Their only concern was the stone--How would they move the stone? Who would help them?

Peter? He wasn't with them. John? He too, was nowhere to be found. Where are all the big strong burly fishermen? Cowering in fear? Reeling in disappointment, confusion, hopelessness, grief?

Not the women. Not even in the midst of their confusion and hopelessness, they did what they knew needed to be done. They bought the spices and went. They didn't stop caring about this man who changed their lives. Even in His death, and the death of all they had hoped for, they continued caring. They went and bought spices to anoint his dead body, knowing that they would face temple guards and Roman soldiers and a ginormous stone--all in place to keep them from Jesus. But that didn't stop them. They spent their hard-earned money on spices anyway and began their journey. They fully intended to get to Jesus one way or another. Whey weren't sure how that would happen, they knew the stone was there and that they couldn't move it, but they went anyway. They bought the spices anyway. They knew the guards were there. They knew the stone was there--both great obstacles, but they went anyway. They went by faith and their obstacles were miraculously moved out the of their way.

What is keeping me from Jesus? What stands between me and the resurrection What is the stone in my life that can only be moved by an act of God? What step of faith am I to take? What is it that I need to do to show my love for Jesus?

What is keeping me from Jesus? Busyness? Addictions to facebook, email, food, pleasures, entertainment, hobbies, work, laziness, selfishness?

What are the spices I need to buy? Where do I need to go? What steps of faith do I need to take in order for these obstacles to be miraculously removed?

How do I need to show my love for Jesus--even when He disappoints me? Even when life doesn't go the way I believe it should? Even when I feel confused and hopeless? Even when my future looks dark and scary?

It takes time to hear from Jesus. It takes stillness, quiet and solitude. I need to put down the phone, the ipad, the laptop. Turn off the TV, close the refrigerator, put away the "stuff."

Holy Saturday Moments

Yesterday was Resurrection Sunday—the biggest celebration of the Christian Church! What a gift we have in being alive in the post-resurrection world. 


But what about those who are living in a “Holy Saturday moment”, the day before the resurrection? This man, whom they called Rabbi, Master, Brother, Son—the man they believed had come to take over the world is dead. Their hopes and dreams are gone. Jesus did not do what they thought he would do. 


There are many people, even believers, who are living in a “Holy Saturday moment” right now. They can’t yet see the victory that the resurrection has given them—they are suffering and waiting when all they can see at the moment is fear, uncertainty, darkness and death. 


I have lived lots of Holy Saturday moments. We all will at one time or another. Here’s what my Lenten devotional said we should do if we find ourselves facing a trial or grief that feels insurmountable—as we stand by watching our hopes and dreams as they are beaten, bloodied, crucified—dead: As you stand there in this strange, powerful mixture of recognition and horror, bring bit by bit into the picture the stories on which you have lived. Bring the hopes you had when you were young. Bring the bright vision of family life, of success… Bring the longings of your heart. They are all fulfilled here, though not in the way you imagined. This is the way God fulfilled the dreams of his people. This is how the coming king would overcome all his enemies. 


Our hopes and dreams may be dead. Things did not turn out like we planned. We had great visions of what we would become, of what our children would become. But it didn’t happen. What we don’t know and can’t see is what God is doing behind the scenes. We feel the earthquakes, we see the darkness, but we don’t understand it. We expected one thing and we experienced something quite different, and we don’t get it. 


At times like these, we can be like Peter and the other disciples—we can run away and hide in fear. Or we can be like Joseph of Arimathea, who took courage and did what he saw needed to be done. 


In the face of scorn and even the possibility of death, he requested the body of Jesus, not willing to allow him to be ravaged by wild animals, birds and vermin or to be buried in a common grave. He wrapped the body in clean white linen and placed it in the security of his own tomb with a giant rock placed in front of it to keep it safe. His hopes and dreams may be been crushed, but he knew there was something special about Jesus. He knew God still had a plan, even if it didn’t match his own. Instead of lamenting the loss of his hopes and dreams, (even though he was surely grieving) he joined God in the work that He was doing. He laid down his own plans—he let them go. Then he picked up God’s plan and did what needed to be done. 


My devotional continues, Our part is to keep Holy Saturday in faith and hope, grieving over the ruin of the world that sent Jesus to his death, trusting in the promises of God that new life will come in his way and his time… We aren't sure why we've got to this place, why things aren't going as we wanted or planned, and the life seems to have drained out of it all. That's a Holy Saturday moment. Do what has to be done, and wait for God to act in his own way and his own time.


And that is my Unswerving Hope!

What's so Good about Good Friday?

Today is Good Friday. Today we remember the darkest day in history. I would usually prefer to ignore days like today. I like happy, bright and sunny days. I like to pretend that there is no evil in the world. I want everyone to be happy and pain free. But the good news is always better when we feel the full brunt of the bad news. Light is so much brighter when you've just come out of the dark.

It must have been dreadfully dark for the followers of Jesus who didn't yet know the end of the story. If you haven't see "The Passion," now would be a great time to watch it. Find some way to experience the deep saddness and despair that the people who loved Jesus felt as they helplessly watched their Savior die a slow, painful death. It is difficult, but without it, the joy we feel on Easter Sunday will be diminished.

I'm so glad we have the benefit of knowing that Sunday is coming! That's why we can call it GOOD Friday. If it hadn't been for Good Friday, where would we be? Still lost in our sins, our hurts and our hang-ups, bearing the weight of it all. Now that would be dreadful. But it would have been even more dreadful if it weren't for Resurrection Sunday! Now that's good! Make sure you find a celebration this weekend... and bring a friend to share it with!