Pressing On Toward the Light

The other day, I went for a walk down the Trillium Valley Trail. It was beautiful. It followed a little creek, and sometimes I could hear the water trickle. I was enjoying my walk, but as I went deeper into the valley, it got darker. It was early in the day, so the sun was not yet high in the sky. I started to feel a little claustrophobic.  I began to focus more on the dead trees leaning this way and that across the creek. Some of the hillsides and tree trunks were looking a little creepy. I needed air. It felt like the valley walls were closing in on me.

 

Just about the time I was trying to decide whether to turn back or keep going, I came to a trail marker. I could go straight, which would lead me into Buckeye Valley--a nice flat, easy path--or turn left to go up hill to Wren Run.

Sometimes we choose the easy path, even though it's not exactly what we want. We continue in "more of the same" because it's what we're familiar with--we know what to expect. Even though we want something better, we continue to choose the path of least resistance. We stay stuck in darkness instead of putting out the energy it takes to make a change.

I looked to my left. The trail leading up to Wren Run was steep, and I new it would take more effort to go that way than to continue on to Buckeye Valley, but my desire to get higher, more out in the open sunlight, was enough to push me up that path to Wren Run.

  Up and up I climbed, breathing heavily, (yes, I'm more than a little out of shape!) but so thankful for more light. Everything started looking more yellow and bright. The added brightness was enough to spur me on. I even met a little toad on the way up. He startled me at first, but then he hesitated so I could take his picture. I finally made it to the top and caught my breath. 

Light and fresh air have always been really important to me. Maybe it's because I grew up in the country with lots of wide open space. Our farm house was huge and was surrounded by corn fields and pastures. Yes, I need my space and lots of light, but I've had my share of dark valleys too.

Grieving the loss of a child was one of them. Continuing to pray and believe for one so dear, who is trapped in a darkness of his own, is another. But God is faithful, and my intense need for light pushes me forward and upward. I can't stay in the darkness for long. I'm so thankful for the light of Christ that gives me hope... that keeps me plodding along.

Can you see my shadow in this picture? It's right in the middle. I'm standing on a bridge over the Trillium Valley with the sun at my back. Valleys are a necessary part of our existence, but we can't stay there forever. We've got to make the decision to hike up the steep trail, even though it takes more effort and maybe even a little pain. But it's worth it to be out in the light, up on that bridge! Keep pressing on, my friend, keep pressing on!

Still Trying to Let Go of That Bus!

My devotional (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) this morning says, "Stop trying to monitor My responsibilities--things that are beyond your control... Do not miss the Joy of My Presence by carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders." In other words, You Can't Hold Up a Bus!

This morning I am feeling a little lighter, breathing a little easier. I don't want to try and pick up that bus again. It's so freeing to let God handle it. It may appear on the outside that I am the one holding it up in the air, but inside, I know it's God. No matter how super-powered I think I am (or at least like to appear), no amount of straining, working, thinking or planning will ever allow me to hold up that bus.

My devotional goes on to say that if I concentrate on keeping in step with Jesus (that is the key--maybe the topic of another day's post), instead of trying to anticipate His plans for me... if I trust that His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, I can relax and enjoy the present moment...

• I can enjoy that cup of coffee shared with my husband early in the morning
• I can enjoy curling my little girl's hair for picture day
• I can enjoy this quiet moment I have at the coffee shop before work
• I can enjoy the fulfillment of my job today
• I can enjoy the time I get to spend with my son this afternoon
• I can enjoy my interaction with friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances and strangers today

There is so much to be enjoyed today! But I will miss it all if I am straining, concentrating, planning and scheming about how I'm going to keep this bus up in the air! What a shame to miss all this that's right in front of me while trying to figure out how to do something that is not mine to do!

You Can't Hold Up a Bus!

When I say, “You Can’t Hold Up A Bus,” I’m not talking about the kind of hold up where you would use a ski mask and a gun! I’m talking about literally picking up a bus. 


Stay with me here... I heard an interview once with an actress on a Superman movie. In one scene of the movie, this villainess was shown picking up a city bus. When the scene was being filmed, for a split second, she forgot that she wasn't actually holding up the bus--there was a crane doing that. She actually injured herself as she tried to support a city bus. Now that sounds crazy because we all know that none of us is strong enough to actually pick up a bus. 


But we essentially do the same thing when we try to control every circumstance of our lives and the lives of those around us. Lately, I’ve been exhausting myself trying to control the people around me. I’m not trying to control them in a bad way. I love these people and I want what’s best for them. I just want to make sure they don’t make wrong choices or put themselves in situations that might cause them pain. So I’ve been trying to head off any mistakes they might make—I’ve been watching them like a hawk, straining to discern every comment, every action. And I am exhausted! 


The truth is, the only person I’m responsible for is me. I want to be an encouragement and support to those I love, but when I start trying to “will” them into the “right” (according to me) decisions and behaviors, I may as well be trying to “hold up a bus.” 


God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change 
The Courage to change the things I can 
And the Wisdom to know the difference! 


 And that is my unswerving hope!

God, Grant Me the Serenity...

I received more news this week that I can't wrap my head around. I don't know what to do with this information. I'm unclear about where my responsibility begins and ends. Emotionally, I'm having a hard time accepting it.

This is not a new feeling for me. I've been through things like this so many times, but it never gets any easier. Just when I think I've got life figured out, someone throws me another curve ball. Just when I think I've solved all my problems, another one comes firing at me. I know I'm not alone. And I know someone is facing tougher things than I'm facing now, but I just want to do the right thing. I don't want to shirk my responsibility, but I don't even know what it is! God, help me. I'm not copping out, God, but I'm putting the ball in your court. I will listen for your whisper, your still small voice, and I will continue to pray the Serenity Prayer. Just help me not to miss it this time. I have not missed it every time, but I have missed some of your direction, and the consequences have been significant, maybe not for me, but for someone.

So please... Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.