Privileged to Serve

I served in our local soup kitchen yesterday. It was my third time. It's all pretty practical mundane stuff. You put food on plates, greet people, then clean up.

That's what I thought the first time I served... kinda boring... not the flashy, creative kind of thing I normally like doing.

But the last two times I served, I was deeply moved. These people we serve... in a "previous life," I would have either severely judged or pitied them. But I would not have desired a relationship with them. (This is a confession, don't judge me. God has forgiven me.) Now though, they touch my soul, and I truly want to know them. (I thank my precious loved one for this gift.)

As I wipe down tables and chairs after they've gone, I pray. I worship. And it sometimes takes my breath away. Little sobs try to make their way from my heart to my lips.

I am unworthy. I am unworthy to serve these precious ones.

 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ Matthew 25:40

Dream Center Update

Oh, MyUnswervingHope.blogspot, how I’ve missed you! I have allowed life, ministry and busy-ness to come between us. I really hate being this busy… there are just so many great things to do. I need to work on a new life plan that includes more journaling--it is such therapy for me.

I need to catch you up on my trip to the Dream Center. As expected, it was life-changing. I’m still trying figure out what to do with it, but it’s never on the back burner, it’s always in my consciousness, drawing me back from my materialistic, Polly-Anna lifestyle. It’s so easy to stay in the ruts of narcissism, twice removed from people who make me feel uncomfortable. I get lots of encouragement from others to stay in that rut. It’s hard for people who have been there so long to understand why anyone would want to leave.

But there are others, who are less attached to their place of complacency, who inspire me and give me the courage I need to move out of mine. Our trip to the Dream Center consisted of nine people, five women and four men. The other four women who went on the trip changed my life. They were just doing what their hearts led them to do. They made it look so easy. Their purpose was not to encourage me, they were following the leading of the Holy Spirit. I wish I could be more like them.

I have a tendency to ignore things I don’t like, hoping they’ll go away. I’m the proverbial ostrich with her head in the sand. I’m thankful for friends who gently, and sometimes not so gently encourage me to pull my head out. God used these ladies to yank me out of the fetal position and show me how to serve and love when I’d rather just do the task and keep my heart out of the equation.

The first day we went out with the food truck ministry, I was totally content to hand out groceries with pats on shoulders and lots of “God bless yous.”  Janie encouraged  me to join the prayer group at the end of the line and pray with the people after they got their groceries. “No,” I told her, “I’m fine.” I used the excuse that she and the others are better pray-ers than I am and that I’ll just keep doing the task—the bare minimum. That night the Lord convicted me. “You don’t want to get emotionally involved,” He seemed to say to me. “It’s not about how well anyone prays… in fact, it’s not about you at all. It’s about Me and the people I love. You are too protective of your heart and it’s time to step it up a notch!”

Then I saw Pam fearlessly walk up to a dirty, weather-worn homeless man, who hadn’t seen a shower in months, if not years. I had seen the man, sitting on a step, and I walked right by. This was our night out. This was a night for us to be tourists and see Hollywood Boulevard. But I felt God prick my heart when I saw Pam lay her hand on his shoulder and speak to him so kindly and gently. I knew I needed to step it up. I was still slacking.

I watched Teri in her calm and quiet way, as she poured into the young men and women we encountered at the Dream Center. I knew that Teri is the kind of person who would just as soon spend the day alone, puttering around her house, cooking something marvelous or planting something beautiful in her garden. But she chose, instead, to be obedient. And she wasn’t just going through the motions so she could say that she fulfilled her commitment to God. She poured her heart into Joe and Susie and Mack (fictitious name) and many others.

I learned how much Krista and I are alike. Loud, chatty, animated. But Krista knew why she was there. At the end of our trip, I felt relieved that my commitment to God had been fulfilled, and that I’d soon be going back home to my comfortable bubble, with no intention of returning to the Dream Center. But not Krista. Before we even left she said, without hesitation, that she’d be going back.

And then there’s Janie, who shares half a brain with me. We are so much alike and yet so different. Over the years, she has stretched me in directions I so didn’t want to go. Janie was Janie on our trip. What you see her doing in the lobby of our church, you see her doing in the middle of Skid Row and Venice Beach. Against all odds, in the midst of all kinds of suffering, Janie loves. And Janie inspires me to love.

Hope in Who I am, Whose I am and Where I am Going

"Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands and that he had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside his garments, took a towel and girded himself..." John 13:3 (NKJV)

Jesus was able to humble himself and serve his disciples, and ultimately face the cross, only because he knew that his Father had given all things into his hands and that he had come from God and was going to God. If I am secure in the knowledge of who I am and whose I am, and where I am going, I can do whatever God calls me to do.

Before I even finished writing that last sentence very early this morning, my two-year-old came tiptoeing into my room. There is a message in that. Parenting a two-year-old is a challenge--especially for a 48-year-old who has been an empty-nester for 5 years. But that is what God has called us to do. We have had a divine interruption in our "early retirement" years. The house can no longer be just the way we want it--it must be childproof. My schedule is no longer my own--it has to revolve around nap times, bed time and potty training. This is not a temporary interruption. I will spend the rest of my life raising this little girl.

For now, she is the one God has called me to serve. I can only serve her well if I truly believe God has all things in His hands, that I have come from God and that I am going to God. I can only serve her well if I am secure in my identity in Christ. Without that, I am a lost, floundering soul seeking only self-protection and self preservation. It is impossible to serve anyone when my main goal is to preserve my comfort zone and protect my heart in order to keep it from being broken--again.

Never have I needed to be more secure in my identity in God--to know that God has everything in control. This world is a scary place and I need to know that God has my future and my little girl's future in his control.

Never have I needed to be more secure in knowledge of where I have come from. I need to know that I came from God and that he has a purpose and a plan for the rest of my life. I need to know that we are in the middle of his perfect will.

Never have I needed to believe more strongly in the truth that I have a place in eternity. With that truth in sight, I can endure whatever God calls me to do while I'm here on earth. No matter how long that is, it is minuscule compared to eternity.

I just want to sit in the middle of this lesson for a few minutes and make sure I really get it. I can give up "my life" on earth (what I want to do--my comfort zone) because...

1. God has everything in control
2. He created me with a purpose and for a reason
3. I can look forward to spending eternity pain and frustration-free with Him

That is my unswerving hope today!