Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Moment of Grief--A Picture of Freedom!

A few nights ago, I had a dream about my two older kids. It was more like a snapshot of them. And, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. I miss those kids so much it hurts and I grieve for them both, but in very different ways.

In this "snapshot," my son was sitting on a picnic table in the park, playing his guitar and singing. He was barefoot and he looked so content. His sister was singing along with him--a huge smile on her face. She was about nine years old and was missing some of her baby teeth--molars.

I grieve for my daughter because she left she left us too soon--hence the innocence of missing baby teeth. She never got her driver's license, never got her first job. She didn't get to graduate from high school or pursue her dreams of being a social worker, a nurse or a special ed teacher.

The grief I feel for my son is very different. I'm filled with grief for him because he's trapped in a world of self-loathing, a victim mentality. He's believing Satan's lie that he cannot recover--that this is as good as it gets for him. This grief hurts more than the grief I feel for my daughter.

I know my daughter is safe, free from pain, fear and insecurity. She'll be forever fifteen. It's quite the opposite for my son. Oh, how I long for him to be free from Satan's lie, free from addiction and self-loathing, free to be barefoot in the park, playing his guitar and singing at the top of his lungs with a contented smile on his face. That, to me, is a vivid picture of freedom!

Though I grieve now, I believe that one day I will see my son with that contented smile, singing and playing barefoot. I'm trusting God to find a way to speak to my son, a way to get through to him. It will take a miracle, but that's ok. I serve a miracle working God, and that is my unswerving hope!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Seeking Revelation and Transformation

I call myself a Christian, and yet how much of Christ is revealed by my life... especially to those closest to me? I claim to be redeemed, yet I grumble at my husband, speak harshly to my children and snap at my coworkers. My mind is often flooded with negative thoughts and many of them spill out of my mouth.

Oswald Chambers says, "If you find your life is not flowing out as it should, you are to blame, [there he goes again, stepping on my toes!] something has obstructed the flow.Keep right at the Source, and you will be blessed personally? No, out of you will flow rivers of living water, irrepressible life."

So what's blocking the flow?

This week in our women's Bible study on Revelation, Beth Moore challenged us to ask Jesus to reveal Himself to us daily and to journal about those revelations. She also challenged us to "drop the ball" for the 10 weeks of this study. The ball would be something that holds us captive (perhaps blocking the flow) like a bad habit.

My ball (actually one of many) that I sense may be blocking the flow of God's life in me is my negative thought life in some specific areas.

Now, I know better than to just "try to be good" and "think happy thoughts." I've tried that a million times already! I want to seek a revelation of Christ in my life and true transformation of my thought life! Another good thought from Oswald is, "The expression of Christian character is not good doing, but God likeness. If the Spirit of God has transformed you within, you will exhibit divine characteristics. God's life in us expresses itself as God's life, not as a human life trying to be godly."

So, when my husband leaves his stuff lay around or doesn't come from work on time or when he just doesn't do things "my way..." When my child disappoints me or stands firmly against my instructions... When coworkers fail to live up to my expectations... When people just don't behave the way I want them to, for the next ten weeks, instead of grumbling, I choose to seek transformation. I choose to find the life of God that is in me. I choose to look for a fresh revelation of Christ. Who knows what He may reveal to me about my way of doing things, my expectations and my instructions. What will He reveal to me about my closest family members and friends? What will He reveal to me about myself? About Himself? I'm praying it will be life-changing for me and my thought-life!