Now, as I write this in my journal, I realize how ungrateful my cynical side is--how blasphemous--how sinful. Lord, please forgive me.
The Lord has been so gracious to me. No, things have not turned out exactly like I had planned, but I am so blessed--not just materially, though I am incredibly blessed materially--not just relationally, though I am amazingly blessed with family and friends--not just physically, though I am very healthy--not just in my marriage, though I have a wonderful marriage to a strong, loving, kind man, in whom I've seen amazing transformation in the 35 years we've been married. I am amazingly blessed, and yet I am so ungrateful that my first response was, "really, prayer changes things?'
I am blessed beyond belief because Jesus loves me! Enough to give His life for me--and He was thankful for that privilege. If that was the only blessing I ever received, it would be more than enough!
So we have any clue how huge this is?! Do we have any idea whatsoever about what Christ has done for us?
We are blessed beyond belief, yet we continue walking around feeling discouraged, dejected, disheartened and depressed. How dare we! How dare I act like Jesus has not blessed me or heart my prayers! How dare I forget that He has wept with me when I wept--ached with me when I ached! How dare I forget that He has walked with me--carried me through some of the darkest, scariest days of my life?! How dare I throw that back in His face and say, "Really? Prayer changes things?"
Yes, really, prayer changes things. It changes me. It changes you.
Today I choose to be grateful. I choose to practice gratitude. I choose to fight agains the cynical ingrate in me who questions God's faithfulness to me. It is a choice and I'm making it mine today.