Advent

We are in the season of Advent. My daughter and I started an advent devotional on YouVersion this week. We are learning that Advent is about waiting... it's about faith... it's about hope (my favorite subject.)

Elizabeth (my daughter's middle name) and Zachariah had longed for a child for so long, all hope was gone. But even well past the years of child bearing, I'm sure Elizabeth's arms ached for a child or even grandchildren of her own. I imagine her pleading with God in her younger years... maybe even into her 50s where I am now. (Makes me even more grateful for my 5-year-old who fills my arms every morning!) But God remained silent and no baby came. For decades she prayed. Still her arms were empty.

But did she blame God? Was she angry with him? Did she reject faith? While I'm sure she had her dark moments, the answer is no. She continued to trust God. Zachariah continued to serve Him in his priestly capacity. Until one day when all hope was gone, after 400 years of silence, God spoke. FOUR HUNDRED YEARS, folks. 400! This was about so much more than Elizabeth's aching arms. But, at last, she was blessed with her miracle child and the earth was blessed with the first prophet since Malachi.

Four hundred years is nothing to God. Though we may be tempted to lose hope in a much shorter time, we need to remember that God is still moving. Though we can't see Him, and though He may be silent, He has not left us. He has not taken his eyes off of us. He has heard our prayers. He has seen our tears. In fact, He cherishes them. He will show up--right on time.

I'm waiting--no where near 400 years. But if I need to wait that long, may I do it in faith and in hope... unswerving hope.

Waiting, Trusting, Hoping

Today’s devotional in “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young starts out, “Waiting, Trusting and Hoping are intricately connected, like golden stands interwoven to form a strong chain.” It is so hard to wait, trust and hope. We are an impatient people. We want to fix things… like now!

Many of us were raised with the TV as our babysitter. I used to love the Brady Bunch. Their family was so amazing. Every time one of the kids had a problem, Mr. or Mrs. Brady would stop what they were doing, focus on their child and his or her problem, and at the end of thirty minutes, all would be well with their world. I guess I came to expect that that was the real world and that’s how things worked. If only I could get my parents to be more like Mr. and Mrs. Brady! My parents weren’t like Mr. and Mrs. Brady. (Neither were anyone else’s, because the Brady Bunch wasn’t real life!)

But somewhere in my childish psyche, I decided that I would be a mom like Mrs. Brady. I would make sure I was there for my kids and I would solve all their problems within a thirty-minute time span. Obviously, I failed.

I failed to live up to the Brady Bunch way of life, but I’ve learned a lot about waiting, trusting and hoping. I still don’t like it. I still want to fix everything within a thirty-minute time span, but I realize now that it doesn’t work that way.

At first glance, waiting, trusting and hoping seem so passive. Like swinging on a swing or sitting on a porch step, waiting for a ride. But waiting, trusting and hoping are extremely hard work! I vow to trust God, but I find myself picking up my issue or my child’s issue. I have to convince myself to lay it down again, even though I fear things could go bad. At best, I know things will go a different direction and take longer than I would like.

I’ve written several times here about putting my trust in God even with my teeth and fists clenched. Sometimes it takes every ounce of energy and will to pray, “I trust you, Lord, I trust you.” Today is one of those days.

Though It Linger, Wait For It

My last post was about this circumstance that I wish would change, and how I used to sit around waiting for it to change. My devotional yesterday was about patience and waiting. So do I wait or do I move on? I think the answer is both. What I don't do is sit around! As I'm waiting for something to change, praying for it to change, I continue "reaching beyond my grasp," as Oswald Chambers puts it.

"Patience is not indifference;" Chambers says, "patience conveys the idea of an immensely strong rock withstanding all onslaughts. The vision of God is the source of patience... Moses endured, not because he had an ideal of right and duty, but because he had a vision of God. He 'persevered because he saw him who is invisible.'" I want to have a vision of God like that!

Yesterday at church, our pastor encouraged us to witness to our family and friends who are unbelievers. He talked about not only telling them about Jesus, but also about loving them and praying for them. At the end of his sermon, he suggested that we envision our loved one in the arms of Jesus. It brought me to tears to see my son, broken, beat up by life and addiction, being held close by the only One who can save him. I want to keep that vision in my mind. I want that vision to be my source of patience. I want that vision to be my immensely strong rock that withstands all onslaughts.

So, though it linger, I will wait. But I will not sit back on my hands in indifference while I am waiting. I will continue reaching beyond my grasp. Praying for my son, believing for him, hurting for him, and building my vision of Him who is invisible, my immensely strong rock that withstands all onslaughts. Because that is my unswerving hope!

Pride Can't Wait but the Just Shall Live by Faith

I've been caught by surprise by my pride. It kind of snuck up on me. At times, it has ambushed me! I didn't see it as pride, but more and more, God is revealing it to me in the subtle ways that it has taken shape in my life. I've been unwittingly hiding it. God is good about revealing those kinds of sins when we least expect it.

A few weeks ago, I was blogging about waiting. As of today, it appears that my waiting has ended. I have the thing I was waiting for, but it's not a done deal. It's still possible that I could lose it. I still have some waiting to do.

Today my devotional reading was from Habakkuk 2:2-4. God had showed Hab a vision. In chapter 1, Hab was getting impatient and had done some "righteous complaining" about the wait. God answered:

Habakkuk 2:2-4

My study Bible says that God's instruction to write down the vision was an unusual one. Typically, prophets only spoke the word of the Lord. I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea for us to write down the "visions" or hopes and dreams that God gives us--you know, those things you've been believing God for for years--the salvation of a loved one, the end to some one's endless suffering, the restoration of a relationship. I have some visions and dreams for my kids, my marriage, my church. And I've written some of them on the blog spot.

And I've also complained on this blog spot. Some of it has been righteous complaining and some of it has not. According to my pastor and the first couple of chapters of Habakkuk, there is such a thing as righteous complaining. Laying it all out before God then (this is what makes it righteous) waiting for God's prescription--His instruction--and following through on that instruction. In Hab's case (and more often than not in our cases) the instruction was to wait--in faith.

A proud man would have given up waiting. He would have taken control of the situation and made things happen. Oh, how often I've been guilty of that--until I was faced with situations that were so far out of control that I knew I could do nothing. Those have been the times that I learned the most about God, about His timing, about life, and about myself. Those have been the times when pride was exposed. It was no longer hiding, no longer subtle. It was outright distrust of God. And it took me months to work my way out to where I could trust Him again. But it was
a different kind of trust. A much deeper trust. One that knew that I could get through anything with Him. I was finally able to let go and say with every ounce of sincerity I could muster, "I trust You, Lord," even when nothing about my circumstances had changed.

As this section of scripture ends, while the proud man is not upright in his soul (and obviously doesn't like to wait,) the just shall live by faith--and that involves a lot of waiting!

The Wait Continues

Today marked a huge milestone in this process of waiting that I have been going through for almost a year. I have prayed for much longer than that, over 2 1/2 years, for God to take care of this situation. He has not done it in the way that I would have preferred. But I believe now, more than ever, that He really is in control and that that is a good thing! There have been times when I wasn't so sure God being in control was a good thing. It certainly did not feel good at the time.

I received some news almost three years ago that made me tremble. I was so fearful of what the future would hold. Since that time, I have been through days of faith and days of fear. I have thrown myself at his feet and I have shaken my fist in his face. I have cried tears of love and submission to him and I've shouted in anger and pain at him. I've asked him to hurry up and I've asked him to wait. I have proclaimed, "Your will, God, not mine!" But I have become furious with him for not bringing about my will.

But who would know what my will is! It changes with every wave of emotion. I have begged him for a second chance and I've begged him to send someone else to do this thing that I may have to do. (So far, he has sent no one, so I am left to believe that I will be the one to do it.) God is so gracious. I am so thankful that my psychotic prayers don't phase him. My fits of anger and grief don't change his mind. He is on a steady course, accomplishing his intended goal and he knows I'll eventually find myself where he wants me.

So, with this one milestone complete, I am back to waiting. My future is still uncertain--to me. It exists only in the heart and mind of God right now. But it will be revealed and it will be good. It will almost certainly not be pain- and grief-free and it will not always be easy and clear, but it will be good.

Waiting

Is there anything harder than waiting? I'm sure there is, but when you're waiting it feels so difficult. I am waiting. I've been waiting for almost a year for something very important. My life has been in limbo for months. I can't plan anything major because I'm not sure how a certain situation is going to turn out. I have an expected result, but I have no guarantee that I will get it.

We are so used to instant gratification. We expect that if we do "a," the result will be "b," and will be immediate. After all, we live in America. We have high speed Internet, microwaves and fast food. We Americans are not used to waiting. We know what we want and we go after it with gusto.

But waiting is such good exercise for the soul. It requires trust. Waiting and trust go hand in hand. That's another tough one for us Americans. We are individualists--self sufficient. We don't need anyone's help, right? That's how the West was won--by people who knew what they wanted and who had the true grit to do whatever it took to get it. They left family and friends and the comforts of civilization, knowing that they would likely never see them again.

I hate to wait and it's hard for me to trust. I know what I want and what I think is best for my situation and my first instinct is to do whatever it takes to make it happen. But I have a situation that is so far out of my control. I cannot make my expected result happen. I'm dependent on "the system" to make it happen. And "the system" is not very trustworthy. That's why I have to continually remind myself the "the system" is not the ultimate authority. God is. The system falls under Him. Ultimately, it's Him I need to trust and He is trustworthy.

In my chronological Bible this morning, I read about the fall of Jericho. God made the Israelites wait. He had them march around the city for six days before they were allowed to do anything. I wonder if some of them didn't feel foolish going out each morning and marching around the city each day, blowing trumpets. But the end result was so worth it! The city of Jericho was defeated with ease.

But then Achan blew it. God had told the Israelites not to keep any of the plunder for themselves. But Achan did, and he buried it in his tent, thinking no one would know. But God knew. And because of Achan's sin, the Israelites were beaten back in a battle with Ai that should have been an easy victory. Joshua didn't understand and he cried out to God. He was gut level honest with God, and God answered him. God revealed the sin and was pretty merciless in removing it from the people. He had the Israelites stone Achan, his entire family, livestock and all! Then they burned it all up and covered it with stones. Yikes! Thank you Jesus, for the grace and mercy that You brought to us!

Once the sin was removed from the people of Israel, they were instructed by God to go back to Ai. Again, Joshua had to wait. He spent the night with the people while part of his army went around to the other side of the city to set up an ambush. The plan was executed like clockwork, and the Israelites swiftly defeated the city. This time, though, God allowed them to keep the plunder for themselves. If only Achan would have waited for God's timing instead of taking what he wanted when he wanted it. He could have legally had all the plunder he wanted, but instead, he and his entire family and all his possessions lay under a pile of rubble.

OK, OK! I get the message! I don't want to end up under a pile of rubble! I will continue to wait... and trust. I will do my best to keep my relationship with God vibrant, staying in constant communication with Him so that I'll know what my next step should be. And I will wait... and trust.