I have this situation in my life
that has broken my heart for years. I feel like I have failed over and over. I
just can’t get it right. The most important thing God has given me to do and I
have failed miserably again and again. He keeps telling me to be still and know
that he is God. That feels like such a cop out.
Today I confessed to him my lack
of faith. I told him I feel like I’m slipping away—slipping in my faith. I
confessed that I feel like my prayers do nothing. I keep praying and believing
and nothing changes.
Wanting to find God in all these
negative emotions, I turned again to Psalm 46. It was like I was reading it for
the first time. Tears began to sting my eyes then run down my cheeks. I haven’t
been able to cry over this situation for a very long time. I can't remember the last time I cried over it. Even as I have shared it with
friends, they cry but I can’t.
My heart has been so broken so
many times over this situation. It has hurt so long and so much that I feel
like I have to harden it just to survive. But today, God sent me the gift of tears.
I feel a little relief—a little
bit cleansed. It feels good to know that I still have the capacity to cry. But
I also know that I will soon have to pick up all the pieces and tuck them all
in. My precious little one will be awake soon, and will need to get ready for
school.
But thank you, God, for a few
minutes of closeness. Thank you for the tears.
I'm so grateful for tears. As much as it hurts, it truly is cleansing. I stand with you and affirm your faith - just as you have for me so many times. Love you.
ReplyDeleteCindy -- you are a great mother, wife and friend. God has a plan; sometimes totally different than what we think it should be. He is with you and with HIm you will get though this. May you continue to feel His love and comfort during this time. Love and miss you. Sue
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