Faith in God's Idea of Good or Mine?

"Some people hold tenaciously to a faith that their child will not die, that their cancer will disappear, that their spouse will recover from a stroke. Do they have faith in God, or is their faith in what they desperately want God to do?" --Randy Alcorn, Ninety Days of God's Goodness

I desperately want my loved one to be healed and freed from his addiction and self-loathing. I desperately want him to realize his worth to God. But that cannot be where my faith stays. I want to have a deeper faith--one that can believe God has a plan, whether it looks like what I envisioned or not. And I trust Him that it is good.

The problem is, my idea of good and God's idea of good can be very different. I vote for God's because mine is very shallow and self-absorbed.

So Lord, I trust you--with my children, my husband, and my own life. I trust you--with my country--our future and our next president. I trust you--with our church and our denomination. I will be still and know that You are God.

The Only Work God Wants from You

But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you. For God the Father has given me the seal of his approval.” They replied, “We want to perform God’s works, too. What should we do?” Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”

John 6:27-29 NLT

http://bible.us/116/jhn.6.27-29.nlt

I want so much to serve the Lord. I want so much to have an impact. 

When Jesus fed the 5,000, they were so impressed, they wanted to be able to do those kinds of miracles too. But why? What was their motivation? What is my motivation?

When I see my friends making an impact on the lives around them, I have to admit, I'm jealous. I'm not making the kinds of impacts that they are.

But Jesus says the same thing to me that he said to his followers, "This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the One he has sent."

This hints at the fact that, at least part of the time, it's hard work to believe in Jesus. It's hard work to "be still and know that I am God." But if we put in the effort to keep believing...

Despite our feelings

Despite our negative self-talk

Despite what others think

Despite how our lives compare to others (we're not supposed to compare anyway because it happens one of two ways... Either we compare our worst with their best and feel like failures, or, when we feel the need to be justified, we compare our best with their worst. It's never a balanced comparison, so just quit it, Cindy!)

Quit the comparisons...

Quit listening to the naysayers and the flatterers...

Quit the negative self talk...

Quit being ruled by emotions...

...and just work at believing in the One he has sent!

Perfect Peace

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

This verse is the only explanation I can find as to how I can function… how I keep getting up every morning and putting one foot in from of the other. Sometimes I feel so guilty for having peace and functioning in my daily life, when my loved one does not. When someone I love so much is suffering so severely, how can I keep moving forward and not be overcome with sorrow, grief and fear?

I cannot change my loved one… as much as I would like to and as much as I’ve tried… I cannot fit him into the box of what I think he should be.

God has put a calling on my life, and that calling is not to be paralyzed in constant sorrow, grief and fear. I was born to know God and believe Him, to glorify Him, to find satisfaction in Him, to experience His peace and enjoy His presence. (Breaking Free by Beth Moore)

So, I keep trusting—often a daily struggle—and my mind is steadfast, and He keeps me in perfect peace.

Be Still!

Last Sunday night, we had a Night of Worship at our church. A man who I'll call John, and who is a mighty prayer warrior at our church, stood up and shared a scripture: Psalm 46:10. He read, "Be still and know that I am God. That means stop striving! This is a message for someone here tonight." I thought to myself, "huh, wonder who that's for."


The very next day, I received a disturbing, disheartening phone call. I cried out to God, "What do you want us to do?!" As those words came out of my mouth, I heard John's words in my mind, "Be still and know that I am God."

Later that day, I got a call from a dear friend who asked about my situation. I shared with her the disheartening call I had received. She said that she really felt that God didn't want us to "do" anything about this situation but trust Him--not in an inactive way--trusting God takes discipline and effort. But she said she really didn't think we were to "do" anything but rest in His faithfulness. When she finished, I had to tell her about my experience with Psalm 46:10 just hours before her phone call.

That was one week ago today. Last night, I tossed and turned, thinking about this situation, wishing there was something I could do. It hurts so much to stand by and watch a loved one struggle.

Guess what my devotional was this morning? Yep, Psalm 46:1-11.

Lord, teach me to stop striving and rest in You, trust in Your faithfulness. Teach me to actively "know that You are God."

Trusting God... Always

My friend is living by faith today. Money has always been tight for her and her family. She has two teenagers and one pre-teen. Her husband was laid off from his job and has had difficulty finding one in this struggling economy. That has all been a challenge, but now he has been diagnosed with a condition that makes it even more difficult t find a job, and could greatly affect their future. Right now, the future for them looks dark and scary. There are so many unknowns. 


But here is the last post my friend made on facebook last night: “Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in, still I will say "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord. Blessed be Your Name.” 


And her first post this morning: ‎"My foes are many, they rise against me but I will hold my ground. I will not fear the war. I will not fear the storm. My help is on the way. Oh my God...He will not delay. My refuge and strength Always. I will not fear, His promise is true, my God will come through....Always." 


That is walking by faith. That is courage. Trusting in God even in the face of fear and an uncertain future... Day and night, even while she slept. This is how lives, attitudes and hearts are changed. This is how we get to know God. It’s not always easy, but God will come through. Maybe not in a way that we would expect, but He will come through for them, and they will come through knowing Him and trusting Him on a deeper level. A level they have never known before. 


That is Unswerving Hope!

Our Problems Are Our Friends

That sounds so ridiculous, I know! But Sarah Young writes in “Jesus Calling,” “Make friends with the problems in your life. Tough many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over everything. I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust Me. Every problem can teach you something transforming you little by little into the masterpiece I created you to be.” 

A masterpiece? That sounds so great, but oh, I feel so far from being a masterpiece! Does that mean I have a lot more problems, I mean "friends" coming my way? Ugh!

Our problems don't automatically our friends. We must choose to befriend them! Young continues,  “The very same problem can become a stumbling block over which you fall, if you react with distrust and defiance. The choice is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy Me.”

We have to choose many times to trust God or defy Him. Wow. There’s no in between. It’s either or… either trust or defy. When I think about it that way, it puts the fear of God in me. I never every want to defy God! But I don’t always want to trust Him either. When I can see that not trusting is defying, I’m much more motivated to trust.

So, today, this moment, I choose to make friends with the problems in my life. I choose to trust, not to defy. (That kind of makes my stomach hurt, but I will press on!)

“But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:12-13.

Mom Fast Day Two

I am such a wimp when it comes to fasting. I was so sick all day yesterday, the first day of our fast. I decided to drink a little coffee this morning so I don’t get such a caffeine headache. So far, I feel better today.

No major spiritual break through so far, but I just keep hearing “Trust Me.” I still don’t know what I’m doing from moment to moment. But I’m praying for God to shine his light on our situation. Here’s what I read in my devotional this morning:

POUR ALL OF YOUR ENERGY into trusting Me. It is through trust that you stay connected to Me, aware of My Presence. Every step on your life-journey can be a step of faith. Baby steps of trust are simple for you; you can take them with almost unconscious ease. Giant steps are another matter altogether: leaping across chasms in semidarkness, scaling cliffs of uncertainty, trudging through the valley of the shadow of death. These feats require sheer concentration, as well as utter commitment to Me.

This makes trust sound a whole lot more active than passive.  I have felt like I’ve been too passive, and that I should do more. But I do feel like we’re leaping across chasms in semidarkness, scaling cliffs of uncertainty and trudging through the valley of the shadow of death. So today I will work at pouring all my energy into trusting Him and working with sheer concentration and utter commitment to God. I will be powered by His grace and My Unswerving Hope.

A Mom Fast

My hope may be unswerving, but it sure is taking a beating. Today it is bruised and bloodied. I’m at another point in my life where I have to present myself to God as I am, and it is not pretty. I cried out to God today, and all I could hear Him say was, “Trust Me.” I want to shout back, “I HAVE trusted You, and look where it’s gotten us! I’ve memorized scripture and quoted it. I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve given, I’ve set boundaries, I’ve loved ‘till it hurt. What do You want from me?!”

“Everything,” is His only reply.

“But things are getting worse instead of better! Surely You must need me to DO SOMETHING! Surely there is something I must do differently because what I’ve done for the last however many years is not working!”

“OK, go on a fast. A 3-day fast. And get three friends to do it with you.”

“God, you know how I hate fasting! I always end up making it all about me and how pitiful and miserable I feel. I don’t feel like I ever get anywhere when I fast. It just doesn’t work for me.”

Silence. God will not be manipulated. Not by my rants. Not by my tears. He is unmovable.

So I’m going on a three-day fast, and I’m looking for three friends to do it with me. So far, I’ve had no takers. Am I the only mom who aches for her kid? Am I the only mom whose heart has been dashed to bits as she watches helplessly while her kid self-destructs? Is anybody out there who knows this unbearable pain? Or who would like to avoid it in the future? I need to see the Hand of God move in my situation. I cannot go on with my life as I have known it if I don’t. Maybe that’s the point. Whatever the case, I must see the Hand of God. Will you join me? Click this link for the facebook event:  http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=205826286150447

A Moment of Grief--A Picture of Freedom!

A few nights ago, I had a dream about my two older kids. It was more like a snapshot of them. And, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. I miss those kids so much it hurts and I grieve for them both, but in very different ways.

In this "snapshot," my son was sitting on a picnic table in the park, playing his guitar and singing. He was barefoot and he looked so content. His sister was singing along with him--a huge smile on her face. She was about nine years old and was missing some of her baby teeth--molars.

I grieve for my daughter because she left she left us too soon--hence the innocence of missing baby teeth. She never got her driver's license, never got her first job. She didn't get to graduate from high school or pursue her dreams of being a social worker, a nurse or a special ed teacher.

The grief I feel for my son is very different. I'm filled with grief for him because he's trapped in a world of self-loathing, a victim mentality. He's believing Satan's lie that he cannot recover--that this is as good as it gets for him. This grief hurts more than the grief I feel for my daughter.

I know my daughter is safe, free from pain, fear and insecurity. She'll be forever fifteen. It's quite the opposite for my son. Oh, how I long for him to be free from Satan's lie, free from addiction and self-loathing, free to be barefoot in the park, playing his guitar and singing at the top of his lungs with a contented smile on his face. That, to me, is a vivid picture of freedom!

Though I grieve now, I believe that one day I will see my son with that contented smile, singing and playing barefoot. I'm trusting God to find a way to speak to my son, a way to get through to him. It will take a miracle, but that's ok. I serve a miracle working God, and that is my unswerving hope!

In My Weakness His Strength is Made Known

I have a circumstance in my life that I wish was different. I have had it for years. I wish it would go away, but it won’t. It’s a circumstance over which I have no control. I’ve tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away. I’ve even tried to run away from it. But both of those options only made it worse. So I set boundaries around it, yet it remains.

I’ve prayed many, many times for this circumstance to be lifted. I’ve wept bitter tears over it. I used to be so sure that God would remove it and I waited for that because I just knew that God didn’t want me to suffer like this. I prayed Psalm 6 over it. “How long, O Lord, how long,” I asked. Yet the circumstance remained.

Finally, I started attending a Kay Arthur Bible Study, and what she said stunned me. In one of her videos, she said something like, “What if your circumstances never get any better? What if things never change?” I had never even considered that possibility!

At first I didn't like what she said. I didn't want to consider the possibility that my burden might never be lifted. But eventually Kay's teaching became a turning point in my faith walk--a milestone. Because she went on to say, “God’s grace is enough for you, not only in eternity, but also in the here and now.” Wow, I always knew God’s grace was enough to save me from my sins so that I could go to heaven. But I never considered that I could trust His grace for life on this earth (or even need to.) I guess I expected God to make life on earth easy, and never thought about needing His grace now.

Oh, I’ve come a long way since those days of expecting God to make life easy. He loves me too much to allow me to be lazy. He loves me too much to let me live without needing his grace. He loves me too much to let me wallow in my weakness. Instead, he uses my weakness to make his strength known.

Because of that one Bible study lesson, I quit waiting for my circumstances to change and finally began living. I stepped out in faith, standing on 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I knew how weak I was, but I also knew I needed to quit using that as an excuse.

So, my circumstance remains. I wish I could say that I never let it bother me anymore, but I can’t. I continue to struggle with it. I continue to lay it on the altar, only to find that days, weeks, or even years later, I’ve picked it up again. But every time I realize that I’m carrying it again, I run to the altar, lay it down again, and with every bit of determination I can muster, I say, “I trust You, Lord, I trust You.”

What’s your circumstance? Is it a wayward child? Is it physical pain? Is it an addiction? Is it grief? What do you need to lay on the altar? I encourage you to do it today. Quit asking and waiting for God to remove it. Lay it down and with every bit of determination you can muster, say “I trust You, Lord, I trust You. Your grace is sufficient for me. Not only for eternity, but also for today.”

Life is Not Fair!

It's January--time for my annual re-committment to health. I do this every year, but this year, I have a little more motivation. I realized this past weekend that if my husband and I don't live to be at least 76 years old, our little girl could lose both her parents before she's 30. I don't want to do that to her!

Neither of my parents came close to 76. My mother died at just 39, and my dad at 63. I was 19 when I lost my mom, and I was pretty oblivious to grief. By the time my dad died, I was 39. By then I had learned a little about taking time to grieve. But even at 39, I felt like an orphan. Even though my husband and I had been on our own for over 20 years, had lived in several states and overseas, and we had children of our own who were teenagers, it was a scary feeling to realize that I had no parents. My dad, my rock, the one I knew I could always run to was no longer here. I knew it was time for me to grow up.

My little girl will only be 30 when I'm 76. I don't want her to feel like I did when my dad died when she's that young. There are many things that are unfair about our situation, but right now, this is the one that bothers me the most. How can I prepare her for that? How can I prepare her for life without me?

I've got to pray. I've got to trust God to bring people into her life who will be there for her. I've got to know that He will be there for her. Just as he has been there for me, He will be there for her. He has been My Unswerving Hope, and I must find a way to share that with her. God, I'm counting on you to reveal yourself to my little one. As you have been my Hope, be hers as well. I trust you that, no matter what unfairness life hands this little girl, you will be there for her.

Struggling to believe in and trust My Unswerving Hope for 2010 and beyond!