Broken Bread and Poured Out Wine

Oswald Chambers talks alot about being broken bread and poured out wine. If we are the body of Christ, then that is what we should be--broken and poured out.

"But you can't drink grapes..." says Oswald. They must be crushed. So, not only do we need to be broken, we must be crushed. "God can never make us wine if we object to the fingers He uses to crush us with."

There are several families and individuals close to me who are going through crushing circumstances right now. My first reaction is to ask God to take away the pain, to heal, to fix what is broken. But is that really what He wants me to pray?

In our study of Revelation this week, Beth Moore talked about how every letter to each of the seven churches includes a promise to those who overcome. We can never be overcomers if we have nothing difficult in our lives. She encouraged us to stop begging God to make life easy and, instead, ask Him to help us overcome.

Life on planet earth can be crushing. There are many obstacles to overcome. Huge grievances to be forgiven. But one thing we can be sure of, Jesus will never leave our sides. Through all the breaking, crushing and overcoming, He is right in our midst, and as much as we may not want to hear it, there is a purpose for our suffering.

"No enthusiasm will ever stand the strain that Jesus Christ will put upon His worker. Only one thing will, and that is a personal relationship to Himself which has gone through  the mill of His spring cleaning until there is only one purpose left--I am here for God to send me where He will. Every other thing may get fogged, but this relationship to Jesus Christ must never be." Oswald Chambers

"These will make war with the Lamb and the Lamb will overcome them for He is Lord of lords and King of kings and those who are with Him are called, chosen and faithful." Revelation 17:14

If I really believe this, I'll stop begging God to take away all pain and suffering and I'll ask Him to reveal Himself to each of us in the midst of our pain and suffering. God grant us a revelation of You--enlighten the eyes of our hearts toward You. Help us to seek you in the midst of our brokenness instead of seeking to remain unbroken. Help us not to resist Your crushing thumb and forefinger or escape your spring cleaning. But help us to work with You in the crushing, breaking and cleansing so that one day we will be, like you, overcomers who are called, chosen and faithful.

A Moment of Grief--A Picture of Freedom!

A few nights ago, I had a dream about my two older kids. It was more like a snapshot of them. And, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. I miss those kids so much it hurts and I grieve for them both, but in very different ways.

In this "snapshot," my son was sitting on a picnic table in the park, playing his guitar and singing. He was barefoot and he looked so content. His sister was singing along with him--a huge smile on her face. She was about nine years old and was missing some of her baby teeth--molars.

I grieve for my daughter because she left she left us too soon--hence the innocence of missing baby teeth. She never got her driver's license, never got her first job. She didn't get to graduate from high school or pursue her dreams of being a social worker, a nurse or a special ed teacher.

The grief I feel for my son is very different. I'm filled with grief for him because he's trapped in a world of self-loathing, a victim mentality. He's believing Satan's lie that he cannot recover--that this is as good as it gets for him. This grief hurts more than the grief I feel for my daughter.

I know my daughter is safe, free from pain, fear and insecurity. She'll be forever fifteen. It's quite the opposite for my son. Oh, how I long for him to be free from Satan's lie, free from addiction and self-loathing, free to be barefoot in the park, playing his guitar and singing at the top of his lungs with a contented smile on his face. That, to me, is a vivid picture of freedom!

Though I grieve now, I believe that one day I will see my son with that contented smile, singing and playing barefoot. I'm trusting God to find a way to speak to my son, a way to get through to him. It will take a miracle, but that's ok. I serve a miracle working God, and that is my unswerving hope!

Seeking Revelation and Transformation

I call myself a Christian, and yet how much of Christ is revealed by my life... especially to those closest to me? I claim to be redeemed, yet I grumble at my husband, speak harshly to my children and snap at my coworkers. My mind is often flooded with negative thoughts and many of them spill out of my mouth.

Oswald Chambers says, "If you find your life is not flowing out as it should, you are to blame, [there he goes again, stepping on my toes!] something has obstructed the flow.Keep right at the Source, and you will be blessed personally? No, out of you will flow rivers of living water, irrepressible life."

So what's blocking the flow?

This week in our women's Bible study on Revelation, Beth Moore challenged us to ask Jesus to reveal Himself to us daily and to journal about those revelations. She also challenged us to "drop the ball" for the 10 weeks of this study. The ball would be something that holds us captive (perhaps blocking the flow) like a bad habit.

My ball (actually one of many) that I sense may be blocking the flow of God's life in me is my negative thought life in some specific areas.

Now, I know better than to just "try to be good" and "think happy thoughts." I've tried that a million times already! I want to seek a revelation of Christ in my life and true transformation of my thought life! Another good thought from Oswald is, "The expression of Christian character is not good doing, but God likeness. If the Spirit of God has transformed you within, you will exhibit divine characteristics. God's life in us expresses itself as God's life, not as a human life trying to be godly."

So, when my husband leaves his stuff lay around or doesn't come from work on time or when he just doesn't do things "my way..." When my child disappoints me or stands firmly against my instructions... When coworkers fail to live up to my expectations... When people just don't behave the way I want them to, for the next ten weeks, instead of grumbling, I choose to seek transformation. I choose to find the life of God that is in me. I choose to look for a fresh revelation of Christ. Who knows what He may reveal to me about my way of doing things, my expectations and my instructions. What will He reveal to me about my closest family members and friends? What will He reveal to me about myself? About Himself? I'm praying it will be life-changing for me and my thought-life!

God, Grant Me the Serenity...

I received more news this week that I can't wrap my head around. I don't know what to do with this information. I'm unclear about where my responsibility begins and ends. Emotionally, I'm having a hard time accepting it.

This is not a new feeling for me. I've been through things like this so many times, but it never gets any easier. Just when I think I've got life figured out, someone throws me another curve ball. Just when I think I've solved all my problems, another one comes firing at me. I know I'm not alone. And I know someone is facing tougher things than I'm facing now, but I just want to do the right thing. I don't want to shirk my responsibility, but I don't even know what it is! God, help me. I'm not copping out, God, but I'm putting the ball in your court. I will listen for your whisper, your still small voice, and I will continue to pray the Serenity Prayer. Just help me not to miss it this time. I have not missed it every time, but I have missed some of your direction, and the consequences have been significant, maybe not for me, but for someone.

So please... Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

Blessed Are the Poor In Spirit

Sometimes this faith journey feels so paradoxical, so confusing, so hard...

Jesus calls us to be poor in spirit. But the moment that I recognize my poverty of spirit, I become rich in my spiritual poverty and I've missed the mark. Jesus calls me to be humble, but the second I realize my goal of humility, it vanishes because I've become proud of it.

Oswald Chambers says, "I can be so rich in poverty, so rich in consciousness that I am nobody, that I shall never be a disciple of Jesus; and I can be so rich in the consciousness that I am somebody that I shall never be a disciple. Am I willing to be destitute of the sense that I am destitute?"

"But what if nobody notices that I'm poor in spirit? I must point it out to them!" No! I must not! The title of one of Oswald Chambers' devotionals is "The Ministry of the Unnoticed." Do I want to be involved in the ministry of the unnoticed? My whole life I've been trying to get noticed! I talk loudly, and I talk alot. I'm animated when I talk--arms flailing, head bobbing. I'm always trying to be funny--trying to get a laugh. I am always trying to get noticed.

This is one of the dark areas of my life that Jesus wants to clean up. I can be of no use to him if my goal is to be noticed. There's a band I like called, "Take No Glory." When I read that name, I was humbled. I realized that, in my quest to get noticed, sometimes I try to steal God's glory. That is something He will not stand for. God will NOT share his glory. In fact, that was what caused the fall of Lucifer! Yikes!

O.C. says, "The true character of the loveliness that tells for God is always unconscious. Conscious influence is priggish and un-Christian. If I say--I wonder if I am of any use--I instantly lose the bloom of the touch of the Lord." So I'm striving for a goal that I can never reach because as soon as I do, I fall all the way back to the beginning. I don't get to "pass Go" I don't get to "collect $200." What I need to do is keep plodding along, being obedient to God, never asking if I've succeeded because obedience is the goal, not success.

So, I need to keep Matthew 5:3 in front of my eyes... "Blessed are the poor in spirit..."

It's All About THE Relationship

I am writing today as a discipline. I am anxious to get moving. I have lots to do today and I want to get marching on my "To Do" list. But more than that, I want to stay true to my commitment to allow Jesus to sift through the junk in my heart and mind. I don't want to be "all about the task" today. I want to be "all about the relationship." So, here goes...

So I am supposed to be disillusioned with the people in my life? Really? Oswald Chambers says I must be... that it's a discipline... that if I'm not, I risk becoming "cynical, unkindly severe in my judgement of others." Ouch again, Oswald! You hit me where it hurts so often. Have you been living in my head? I try so hard to hide this kind of thing!

Chambers tells me that, "disillusionment which comes from God brings us to the place where we see men and women as they really are, and yet there is no cynicism, we have no stinging, bitter things to say." What a relief that would be for me as well as the people in my life! Chambers says that many of the cruel things in life spring from the fact that we suffer from illusions... our ideas of one another. It's like I have this picture in my head of what a person is or should be and when they don't live up to that image, I get hurt, angry, cynical, bitter. O.C. says it this way, "If we love a human being and do not love God, we demand of him every perfection and every rectitude, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; we are demanding from a human that which he or she cannot give." Ouch again! So when I don't suffer from disillusionment, it shows my lack of love for God. Ugh, just when I thought I was becoming a mature Christian!

"There is only One Being Who can satisfy the last aching abyss of the human heart and that is the Lord Jesus Christ," says Chambers. I can't expect my friends, coworkers, family members or even my dog to satisfy that deep dark emptiness in my soul. That is a space that only my savior can fill. And if He is not filling it, all my relationships will be out of balance.

"Our Lord trusted no man..." Wow, I'm to trust not one? Not like I trust Jesus. People can only walk so far with me. I can only trust them to a certain extent.

"...yet He was never suspicious, never bitter... he despaired of no one." If I trust God like I'm supposed to, allowing Him to fill my brokenness like only He can, I free the people in my life! I not longer hold them hostage by my expectations of them--my expectations of completeness. They cannot complete me. They come and go--sometimes they move away, sometimes they move on, and sometimes they die. Sometimes they're consumed with their own pain. They were not created to complete me. They were not created to affirm me. They were not created to fix me or make my life worthwhile. Every now and then those things happen, but they cannot be the foundation of my life. I cannot and must not depend on them for my everyday motivation.

Only Jesus can fill the gaping abyss in my soul. Only He can be my reason for living. Only He can be My Unswerving Hope.

He Comes in the Clouds

A quick look in my Bible's concordance shows a definite correlation between clouds and the presence of the Lord. In Exodus 13:21, the pillar of cloud guided the Israelites; in Isaiah 19:1, He rides on a swift cloud; in Luke 21:27, we will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power; and finally, in Revelation 1:7, Look, He is coming with the clouds! I also seem to remember a mist in the Holy of Holies where God dwelled in the old testament. There may be more, but that's what I found in just a few minutes.

So what do the clouds mean? My daily companion of 2010, Oswald Chambers, says that the clouds that Jesus comes in are "sorrows or sufferings or Providences... which seem to dispute the rule of God." Things like losing a daughter in a car accident, or a son to addiction and homelessness, or seeing my own granddaughter stuck in foster care for over a year while we worked diligently to bring her home with us. Oswald tells me that "It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith." He goes on... "If there were no clouds, we'd have no faith." (We wouldn't need it!) "The clouds are but the dust of our Father's feet. The clouds are a sign that He is here... God cannot come near without clouds. He does not come in clear shining."

Wow, that rings so true in my life. The times that I have sensed the nearness of God the most have been the most brutal, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking moments of my life that I mentioned above. Oh, there were moments when I sinned and shook my fist in God's face during those times, but He was so gracious and forgiving, so understanding and gentle. When I would finish my ranting and raving, His presence would come so sweetly. He would touch me and heal me and set me on my feet and push me out into the world and say, "Go now and live and love and tell people about me and the hope you have."

Oswald says that "Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God's character, we do not yet know Him." Ouch! I have looked at some dark, black facts and I have come close to damaging God's character. I've been so angry at him for allowing me to hurt so badly. And yet, he has been so faithful not to strike me dead like the Israelites who complained about the food God provided them. His presence has been so sweet as He has carried me, sometimes kicking and screaming, through the clouds of my life. He has been so loving and kind and near. I don't deserve Him. My Heavenly Father loves me in a way that I don't understand, but I am so grateful. I have come to know Him because of the clouds. I have seen Him in the clouds. And only by His grace have I not damaged His character in my mind and in the minds of others. God, thank you for your grace... And yes, thank You for the clouds.