The Story of the Butterfly

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I know it's been around a long time, but it's a good reminder that our struggles are not without reasons. There is a purpose for every difficulty we go through.

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body,
Neither happened!

In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:

The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. --James 1:2-4

The Papa Prayer

I've been thinking about the Papa Prayer a lot lately. I sent the "gist" of it to my son recently, hoping to help him on his current difficult walk of faith. Why is it so easy to tell someone else what they should be doing, when you're not doing it yourself?!

Yesterday, I realized how much I need to revisit the Papa Prayer for myself. I am so prone to present myself to Jesus as the person I think I should be instead of the person I really am. 'Cause the person I really am can be very dark, angry and selfish. Does Jesus really want me to present that kind of person to Him? Uh, yeah!

As long as I keep showing up to Jesus with my happy face plastered on, I am nothing more than a white-washed sepulchre and there is nothing He can do to heal me. But when I drop the mask and begin to tell Him how disappointed I am in what I've experienced of Him, I begin to see how ludicrous my disappointment is and He is able to heal my perception of Him and free my mind from the grips of fear, worry and regret.

Does that mean I'll never have fear, worry and regret again? Uh, no! But when I do, if I'll bring them to Jesus, present my fearful, anxiety-ridden self to Him, He will correct my perception of Him and give me direction. At which point, I need to submit (oh, the dreaded word!) myself to him, do what He's calling me to do and move on! I cannot function the way He has designed me to function when my mind and emotions are consumed with fear, worry and regret. But until I get real about those things, they will consume me.

The Papa Prayer:

Present yourself to God authentically; be real with Him as you are with no one else.

Attend to how you are thinking of God, how you picture Him as you're talking to Him and then modify your perception to fit who He tells you He is.

Purge yourself of your relational faults by taking inventory of how you put your interests ahead of His and getting rid of anything that blocks intimacy with Him.

Approach God just as you are, tuning in to your passion to know Him and to honor Him above all others.

"Come to me exactly how you are. Stop trying so hard to be good. Admit that you're not so good. Admit how disappointed you are in what you've so far experienced of Me. I know you wonder if I even care. Sometimes you've hated Me. Be who you are in My presence. No, it's not a pretty sight. But I've found a way for Me to look at you with excitement. And my Father is singing over you. You won't hear the music till you come out of hiding. Come. Present yourself to Me. I'll walk with you as you present yourself to my Father. It'll be all right. Trust me."  --Jesus (From Larry Crabb's book, Papa Prayer)

The Living Word

“As the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth. It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

Isaiah 55:10-11

I was taught early in my Christian walk to pray according to scripture. When I was pregnant with my first child, fearful that I might not do everything “right,” I prayed Psalm 139:13-16 and Jeremiah 1:5 over him, trusting that God was knitting him together in my womb, that he had a great plan and purpose for him.

When our family was going through a particularly difficult time involving my first-born, I would ask advice from people who were godly and who knew God’s word. I respected and trusted them all, yet each one had different advice. I remember crying out to God, “Who do I believe?! What is truth?!” He gently reminded me that His word is truth.

So I ran back to Psalm 139, Jeremiah 1 and other scriptures and I began praying those scriptures fervently over my son. We would have good days and bad, but for over 10 years, the general direction was more of a downward spiral than what I viewed as answered prayer. I got angry with God and said, “God, I have prayed your Word over my children their whole lives, and look where it’s gotten us! Have you not heard my prayers? Have you ignored them? Are you there? Can you even hear me?!”

I got very cynical and may have even taken a step back from praying the Word over my children. Early in January of this year, I heard the Lord say two words to me: “Get understanding.” I knew exactly what He was saying: Get back into the Word. I wish I could say that I spent the past eight months digging relentlessly into my Bible. But my efforts have been a little half-hearted. I did dig out my old scripture cards that I used to carry with me everywhere I went, and I got out my Chronological Bible that I started to read several years ago. But I think I still carried that cynicism about God’s Word.

This past weekend, the sermon at our church was “Busting Myths About the Bible.” My heart was stirred again as I listened our pastor share his passion about, not only the truth of God’s word, but the life and power it contains. I realized that I used to have that same passion, but that it had diminished in me. That’s scary! This Word that I have based my whole existence on was no longer the center of my prayer life. I didn’t see it as “alive and powerful” anymore.

So I went to Hebrews 4:12 and thought back about 25 years ago when I first read that scripture and how I felt then. That reminded me of Isaiah 55:11,and I saw something that I hadn’t thought much about in the past.

God says His word will accomplish what HE pleases, and it will achieve the purpose for which HE sent it! My cynicism came because I was angry that God’s Word was not accomplishing what I wanted it to. It did not achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Ooohhh, big difference.

I had been demanding that God conform to MY desires, treating Him like that big Santa in the Sky. And when He didn’t, I got angry. God forgive me. Let me never again attempt to manipulate your Word to make it accomplish what I please. I submit to You and Your will, Your purpose, Your desires. Thank You that Your word is “living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword [scalpel] it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” The thoughts and attitudes of my heart have needed some judging. God, restore to me my passion for your Word, my fervent desire for Your Word, for in it is My Unswerving Hope.

My Little Flower Girl

This weekend was one of those times I took my gift of grief off the shelf for a little while. I didn’t have a lot of time to spend with it. It was a day of celebration, and most of my energy and attention was focused on my little flower girl. If you’ve ever been the mother of a flower girl, you understand!

The first of my eight nieces got married this weekend, and even though no one at our table noticed my older daughter’s absence, or at least they didn’t say anything if they did, I felt it acutely. Between times of trying to keep my 4-year-old looking like a princess, and still letting her be a little girl, I kept my little gift of grief with me all weekend. There were two times at the wedding when I felt my older daughter’s absence most. The first was when my brother-in-law danced with his daughter to Steven Curtis Chapman’s Cinderella…

And I will dance with Cinderella

While she is here in my arms

‘Cause I know

Something the prince never knew

I will dance with Cinderella

I don’t want to miss even one song

For far too soon

The clock will strike midnight…

And she’ll be gone.

‘Nough said.

The second time I felt her absence so strongly was, when saying good-bye to my brother-in-law, he whispered to me that he missed my daughter. I’m sure he has no idea how much that meant to me. But most of the time it feels like hardly anyone even remembers her. It was nice to know that my husband’s brother does. 

So, I’ll shed a few tears tonight before my head hits the pillow, and tomorrow, I’ll put my little gift of grief back on the shelf and I’ll be back at life as usual. It’s what she would want, and it’s what God calls me to do. If you see me at church tomorrow, you’ll never know I was up until after midnight, spilling my tears and emotions in this little blog post. I’ll be smiling and worshiping just like always--and it will be sincere. There is plenty to smile about and be grateful for. But I’ll never stop missing my older girl—she was a flower girl once too.

Why Ask Why?

There are so many things that happen in life that cause us to ask, “Why?” Sometimes, at the top of our lungs we want to scream, “Why?” We want to shake our fist at God and say, “Why me?” “Why now?” “Why her?” “Why this again?!”

I have a friend who has cancer. She’s not asking, “Why?” She’s asking, “Why not?” We live on planet earth. This is our temporary home. We won’t be perfect and whole until heaven. There’s no reason to think that some of us won’t get cancer. I love her response early on when she first received her diagnosis. When people tried to treat her like she was knocking on death’s door, I remember her saying, “I’m not dying, I’m living!” She has not slowed down enough to ask, “Why.” She is busy doing ministry and caring for other people. She knows there may come a time when she will have to slow down physically, but as long as she has the strength and energy, she intends to allow God to use her to do whatever He’s calling her to do.

Lysa TerKeurst, in her book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, says, “Asking why isn’t unspiritual. However, if asking this question pushes us farther from God rather than drawing us closer to Him, it is the wrong question.”

We’ve all had life situations when we were tempted to ask, “Why?”

•          Why did our son get mixed up in drugs?
•          Why have relationships between family members gotten so strained?
•          Why does life have to be so hard?
•          Why is there so much grief in the world?
•         Why must people suffer?
•          Why must children go hungry?

The list could go on and on. The problem with asking, “Why?” is, it causes me to get stuck in an endless loop and wallow in my grief and guilt. I begin to ask questions like,

•          Why did I let my daughter get into a car with a 16-year-old driver?
•          Why didn’t God intervene as he does with so many others who miraculously survive car accidents?
•          Why wasn’t I a better mom to my son?
•          Why didn’t I see that he was sliding down a slippery slope?
•          Why didn’t I do more to protect my kids?
•          Why hasn’t God “shown up” for my son?

Just typing those words makes my blood pressure rise. But asking those questions gets me nowhere. It does no one any good. It doesn’t bring my daughter back and it doesn’t help my son with his addictions. I can’t do anything to change the past, I can only change my future.

Lysa TerKeurst says the more appropriate question is, “What?” I remember when we lost our daughter in a car accident, I didn’t care why. It didn’t matter why. Knowing why wouldn’t bring her back, so who cares? I did, however, need to know what. What do I do with this? What do You want me to do, Lord? What next? I had planned to focus on her for the next three years. I wanted to help her make the transition to our new community and get through high school. I knew after that, it was likely that I would have a lot less time to spend with her. I thought I had three years. But I didn’t. So, now that the whole focal point of my life was gone, what was I supposed to do?

I’ve been seeking the answer to that question for seven years now, and somehow, I think I’ll be on this quest as long as I live on planet earth. As long as I’m growing, learning and changing, the answer to the “What next?” question changes as well. We’ve had several other major transitions in life since our daughter was killed, and with those situations, I’ve been more tempted to ask, “Why?” But God continues to remind me to ask, “What?” instead.

So today, in what situations are You asking God, “Why?” How would asking, “What?” change how you approach that situation? Once you begin to ask God, “What?” better buckle up and hold on tight! You may be in for the ride of your life!

To Know Him

I have a friend who is desperate to know who her “real” father is. She has a step-father who has raised her from a young age and into her adulthood. But there’s this intense inner desire “to know him,” her biological father.

I can’t imagine not knowing my father, and there’s a part of me that’s tempted to trivialize this desire and say, “It doesn't matter! You know the father who love you and raised you, who loves your kids as his own grandkids. Who cares about the guy whose DNA you carry?” I don’t ever want to say something like that about something I don’t understand. Especially when I realize that my little girl may very well have a similar issue some day.

So, the purpose of this post is certainly not to minimize my friend’s desire to know her biological father, but I do believe that beneath her longing to know him is a deeper longing to know her Heavenly Father. She does know Him. She’s a woman of strong faith. But does she really know Him? Do I really know Him?

Our pastor is preaching a series on God’s love. This weekend, he talked about God’s desire for us to know Him. Pastor briefly mentioned a scripture in Ezekiel that says, “that they may know that I am the Lord.” He unpacked to word, “know” from this scripture. It doesn’t just mean that we know about God. It’s the deepest knowing, the same as the way a husband knows his wife – intimately. It’s a covenant love.

Well, I decided to look that scripture in Ezekiel up for myself. I went to biblegateway.com and typed in “they will know” in the New Living Translation. I found, not one, but 22 verses! But I also remembered hearing “that you will know that I am the Lord.” Maybe that’s the one Pastor was talking about. So I typed in “you will know.” I found, not 22, but 32 verses! So at least 54 times in the book of Ezekiel, God expresses His desire for us to know Him deeply and intimately.

I believe God has placed within every human being, a deep, intense desire to know Him intimately. We try so hard to quench that desire with everything from relationships, to drugs and alcohol, to ministry, to food! It’s time we all learn that the only thing that will truly quench it is to know God and open up our deepest, most inner selves to Him. That’s why I’m off to read more in the strange book of Ezekiel about God’s desire for me to know Him, my Unswerving Hope!

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly as He knows us! 1 Corinthians 13:12 MSG

The Way Up is Down

Our culture is obsessed with being whole and feeling good... we want a painless pentecost... we want gain without pain; we want resurrection without going through death; we want a crown without going by way of the cross. But in God's economy, the way up is down.

--Nancy Leigh DeMoss in Brokenness

A painless pentecost, resurrection with no grave; life without death; crown without a cross, the way up is down. These are hard concepts for us Americans! We are all about working hard and reaping good results. 1 + 2 = 3, right? Good works = Blessings, right? Giving = Receiving, right? Obedience = Favor, right?

It's true that we reap what we so, and that if we never plant, we'll never harvest. But anyone who knows farms knows that there's not a bumper crop every year. Some years, like this year, you wonder if there will be any crop at all! And sometimes, the cost of farming is greater than the harvest. That's why so many small family farms have disappeared. It's not a simple science. It's not planting = reaping. There are so many variables--too much rain, too little rain, not enough sun, too much sun, pestilence, a wet spring and a dry summer or a dry spring and a wet summer, damaging wind or hail.

Does that mean we give up and quit sowing? No! We accept the good years and the hard years... and keep looking to God, our unswerving hope!