The Year of the Lord's Favor

Isaiah 61

Four years ago at this time, I was determined that 2008 was going to be the Year of the Lord's favor for my family--a year of new beginnings. I claimed Isaiah 61 and hung on with all my might. I even sent out New Year's cards with that scripture as the focal point. At the end of 2008, nothing had changed. Actually, some things had changed, in fact, life was getting worse instead of better. I felt completely abandoned by God. I had celebrated with friends and their new beginnings--marriages and new babies. It seemed like everyone I knew was finding favor with God but me, and I felt cheated.

As I wrestled with God through the first few months of 2008, I realized that what I was really looking for was happy endings. In fact, I was so busy looking for happy endings, I couldn't see the new beginnings that were right in front of me. They were not the new beginnings that I wanted or expected. But now, looking back over those four years, I can focus and see that there were new beginnings that year. It's like when my 4-year-old (yes, that's one of our new beginnings--just not the way I expected it) wants me to see something and she holds it about an inch from my eyes. I can't see things that close. I need her to move it farther away from my eyes so that I can focus on it. (And that distance gets farther and farther as I get older!)

My life, and the lives of my family members are still not perfect, and they won't be as long as we live on planet earth, but I'm a little better at seeing the potential of the uncertainties in life as new beginnings. I'm determined to quit looking for the happy endings--those may not come until heaven--and, instead, look at the chaos of my life with hope.

May 2012 be a blessed year of new beginnings, and may we all look at them through the eyes of Unswerving Hope!

The Safest Place

Sarah Young, in “Jesus Calling” tells me that my desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Ouch!

I recently did an exercise that lead me to get in touch with my deepest needs. I learned that one of my deepest (if not THE deepest) needs is security. I think most of my life has been all about playing it safe. I hate taking risks. I am not a thrill seeker. I have no desire whatsoever to skydive, mountain climb or even ski any faster than doing a snowplow on the green circle runs. I even have a tendency of keeping my relationships shallow for fear of hurting or being hurt. I’ve even told God that I like being shallow, that I have this deep desire to be safe. And He says, “yeah, that’s nice, but buckle up cause we’re going for a white knuckle ride!”

Sometimes, I’ve still tried to keep life stress-free and safe, but that’s nothing but a façade… and denial. It’s really not safe at all. The only truly safe place to be is wherever God is, and that’s rarely a “safe” place. Like Aslan in C.S. Lewis’ “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe,” God is not safe, but He is good.

So, I need to let go of my desire to be risk-free and find my security in this risky, unsafe, but good God. He is my unswerving hope!

Look, There's a Chicken!

We can often be a little ADD. I have some friends who joke about the “chickens” or “squirrels” that yank our focus out of a conversation. Our minds are so over stimulated, it’s hard to focus on just one thing for very long.

Yes, we joke about it, but losing our focus on Jesus can wreak havoc in our daily lives. In my devotional (Jesus Calling) this morning, I read, “I am with you in all that you do, even in the most menial task… However, your awareness of My Presence falters and flickers; as a result, your life experience feels fragmented. (to say the least!) When your focus is broad enough to include Me in your thoughts, you feel safe and complete. When your perception narrows so that problems or details fill your consciousness, you feel empty and incomplete.”

There are so many things in this life that divert our attention from Jesus and cause us to fear. And they are real, legitimate fears. I’ve been through the death of a child. I’ve watched both my parents die of cancer. I’ve witnessed my son as he struggles to stay clean and sober after years of a drug addiction so powerful that, at times, it seemed he would never be free. These are things I wish no one ever had to experience, but we all do. Whether it’s the struggle to keep a job, chronic pain, aging parents or depression, everyone has very real problems and issues that can so easily steal your joy, your faith, and your focus.

That’s why we need to make it our number one priority to know Jesus, to spend time in His presence, reading His Word and focusing on Him. Then when the fear, pain and darkness begins to engulf us, we can say, sometimes with teeth and fists clenched, “I trust You, Lord, I trust You.” Sometimes that’s all I can say. I can’t come up with any lofty words or pious prayers. It takes every ounce of energy and focus I have to look to Jesus and trust Him, rather than become consumed with the problems of life.

My devotional continues, “Though the world is unstable and in flux, you can experience continuity through your uninterrupted awareness of My Presence. Fix you gaze on what is unseen, even as the visible world parades before your eyes.”

So, as all the chickens and squirrels parade across my path, I will use every ounce of my being to maintain my focus on Jesus, to fix my gaze on what is unseen, to hold tightly to My Unswerving Hope.

Surely the Lord is in the Place!

I read my “Jesus Calling” Devotional this morning, and it talked about Jacob when he was in the desert, fleeing for his life. (Genesis 28) When he lay down to sleep that night, all he had for a pillow was a rock. But he had a dream about the presence of God. When he woke up, he exclaimed, “Surely the Lord is in this place and I did not know it!”

The devotional continued to instruct me to proclaim those same words at times when the Lord seems so distant. Then ask Him to reveal Himself to me in that very situation. So that’s what I will do…

… when uncertainty clouds my view of the future, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in the place!”

… when fear consumes my present, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

… when I’ve blown it and fallen into sin yet again, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

… when life feels completely out of control and there’s nothing I can do to change things, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

… when darkness encroaches and attempts to consume me, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

… when self-pity launches me into a downward spiral, I will say, “Surely the Lord is in this place!”

Then I will plead with Jesus to reveal Himself to me in those desolate places, and I will praise Him and declare that He is my Unswerving Hope.

The Inescapable Love of Jesus!

Early this morning, I had one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I had gotten up early because my husband and I wanted to go and vote together before work. As I finished drying my hair, I heard a funny little noise coming from our bedroom. I knew my husband was still sleeping, so I wasn’t sure what it could be. I opened the bathroom door to hear a froggy, sleepy little voice coming from the baby monitor. Our precious little one was singing…

Jesus loves me, this I know

For the Bible tells me so

Little ones to Him belong

They are weak but He is strong!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me.

Yes, Jesus loves me!

The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me, this I know,

As He loved so long ago.

Taking children on His knee,

Saying, “Let them come to Me.”

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me.

Yes, Jesus loves me!

The Bible tells me so.

Yes, she even included the second verse! As I reflected on that song today, I remembered a night about 20 years ago. I had been having one of those mom days when I was feeling so unworthy, so unlovable. As I rocked my baby, I began singing Jesus Loves Me to her. All I was trying to do was get her to go to sleep so I could have some peace and quiet of my own, but before I realized it, I had tears rolling down my face. I was so blown away by the love of Jesus. I had done nothing to earn or deserve it. In fact, I was probably trying to push Him away. But He wouldn’t hear of it. He loved me, and let me know it in no uncertain terms that night.

I haven’t been able to stop smiling all day as I recall that little croaking voice declaring the love of Jesus this morning before she uttered a single word to anyone else. How privileged are we!

A Heartbreaking Scene

I witnessed a heartbreaking scene yesterday. I had a few precious moments to do some shopping alone and decided to run in to a department store to look for a few items. As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a police car in front of the store. Once I parked and began walking up to the storefront, I got a closer look at what was happening. A beautiful young girl, probably in her 20’s, was standing behind the police cruiser with her hands behind her back as the officer cuffed her wrists together. I was struck by the look on her face. With no emotion whatsoever, she stared blankly straight ahead. I tried not to stare, but I couldn’t look away. I don’t know if the policeman was having trouble with the handcuffs or if he was just taking his time to make more of an impact on this young woman.

Then I saw another woman, who I assume was the younger woman’s mother, standing a few feet from the scene, watching with a helpless look of disbelief. This is where my heart broke. I saw myself in the woman’s face. I know the feeling of standing by helplessly watching your child face the painful, humiliating consequences of his or her bad decisions. Your mind is flooded with questions and disbelief. “Where did I go wrong?” You suddenly remember all the times you failed your child. You feel somehow responsible for their behavior, and yet there is nothing you can do to control them. You feel so many things at once: love, pain, sympathy, anger. I’ve never felt more helpless than when I’ve had to watch my own kids struggle with the realities of wrong choices.

I proceeded into the store trying not to embarrass either of the women by gawking, but I was so impacted by their plight, it was hard to just pass by. I came out a few minutes later, and the police car was still there, and I assume one or both of the women were inside. Then I saw an elderly man, holding an adorable little boy who was probably less than a year old. I didn’t really think they were connected until I saw a young man run from the back of the parking lot and take the boy from the old man, probably the young woman’s grandfather. As the young man cradled the boy, he, too, looked questioningly and with disbelief into the back seat of the cruiser. Now I saw that this young woman’s actions affected, not just herself and her mom, but also her child.

I pray for that young woman, who, in the presence of her mother, child and grandfather, must have made the choice to shoplift. Who knows why she did it. Is she a drug addict, shoplifting to support her habit? Does she have a deep emotional hurt that compels her to steal? Did she need something that she couldn’t afford? Who knows. But I pray that she takes this as a wake up call to change her way of thinking and living. I pray that she’ll find Jesus through this experience.

I pray for her little boy, an innocent bystander of the whole situation. He will probably not remember anything that happened yesterday, and obviously didn’t understand what was going on, but what does it do to a child so young to witness his mamma being handcuffed, loaded into the back of a police cruiser and driven away?

And I pray for her mom. That she will continue to love her daughter unconditionally, yet set the hard boundaries that parents of adult children must set. I pray for her broken heart to be touched and healed by God. Because I know her pain so well, I wish I could give her a hug, tell her I’m praying for her, and let her know that God is real, and that there is hope.

I realize I could be completely wrong about many of the details of this story, but the point is, we live in a hurting world, and my heart (and the heart of God) is drawn to parents of adult children who are especially hurting.

Mom Fast Day 3

Today is the last day of our fast. I’m feeling pretty good physically, but still no major spiritual breakthrough. But I do know that God is moving, whether I can see it or not. There are so many people praying about our situation, and I know those prayers are not falling on deaf ears.

Yesterday, we couldn’t bring ourselves to put on our happy faces and go to church. So we visited a church pastored by an old friend. His church is not in our town and we knew we could go in and not see anyone we knew (other than our friends, the pastor and his wife.) And guess what the sermon was about… Courageous, a movie about fathers stepping up to the plate and doing the courageous things they need to do to fight for their kids, wives and families. The sermon was not just aimed at fathers, but also mothers or anyone else who had settled into complacency, but needs to move into the courageous.

One of the phrases of my friend’s sermon that hit me right between the eyes was this, “You’ve followed all the rules and ended up against insurmountable odds.” Is that something like me saying to God, “I HAVE trusted and look where it’s gotten us!” According to my pastor friend, a complacent believer says, “Obstacles mean I must have done something wrong, so I quit.” But a courageous believer says, “Now I see what I must overcome.” Yes, God was speaking to us yesterday.

Another important message I heard this weekend was at an Old Testament Conference I attended. It was on Saturday, when I was feeling so sick, but the lesson that stood out to me in the fog of a major caffeine headache and nauseous stomach was about Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I’ve claimed that verse and others like it for years, but there was always one nagging question. Most of the promises of God like Jeremiah 29:11 were made during times of persecution and martyrdom. The trials our family have had are not as a result of persecution for our faith, but of the bad choices we have made. So can I still claim God’s redemption? According to Sandra Richter, the teacher of this conference, the answer is a resounding YES! According to her, the context of Jeremiah 29:11 is this: Jeremiah is standing in the devastated city of Jerusalem (I think). Israel has been defeated, the city destroyed and the blood of the Israelites is flowing freely down the streets. All this devastation occurred because the Israelites refused to obey God. And yet in the midst of all this chaos, brought on by their own bad choices, the prophet of God proclaims that God still has a plan, and that the plan is for good, and that they still can have the hope of a great future.

I hope I’m not misinterpreting anything Dr. Richter was saying, I think I got it correct. If not, someone correct me. But what I heard was, yes, I can still claim God’s promises as I seek deliverance from an impossible situation brought on by our own bad choices. I’m not sure what that deliverance looks like, and I know it’s not going to be about my own comfort and success. But it is going to be all about God’s plan for redeeming broken people.

We have learned so much through the last ten years of struggle, and I know we’re not done. Learning that God is not my giant “Santa in the Sky” who will never let anything bad or painful happen to me is probably the greatest lesson I could learn. I have learned that my life is not my own and that it’s not all about me! I have discovered that even in the valley of the shadow of death, I can have hope for a future. And even though I still don’t know for sure what I am doing tomorrow, I will face it with courage and not complacency. And that is my Unswerving Hope!