Dream Center Update

Oh, MyUnswervingHope.blogspot, how I’ve missed you! I have allowed life, ministry and busy-ness to come between us. I really hate being this busy… there are just so many great things to do. I need to work on a new life plan that includes more journaling--it is such therapy for me.

I need to catch you up on my trip to the Dream Center. As expected, it was life-changing. I’m still trying figure out what to do with it, but it’s never on the back burner, it’s always in my consciousness, drawing me back from my materialistic, Polly-Anna lifestyle. It’s so easy to stay in the ruts of narcissism, twice removed from people who make me feel uncomfortable. I get lots of encouragement from others to stay in that rut. It’s hard for people who have been there so long to understand why anyone would want to leave.

But there are others, who are less attached to their place of complacency, who inspire me and give me the courage I need to move out of mine. Our trip to the Dream Center consisted of nine people, five women and four men. The other four women who went on the trip changed my life. They were just doing what their hearts led them to do. They made it look so easy. Their purpose was not to encourage me, they were following the leading of the Holy Spirit. I wish I could be more like them.

I have a tendency to ignore things I don’t like, hoping they’ll go away. I’m the proverbial ostrich with her head in the sand. I’m thankful for friends who gently, and sometimes not so gently encourage me to pull my head out. God used these ladies to yank me out of the fetal position and show me how to serve and love when I’d rather just do the task and keep my heart out of the equation.

The first day we went out with the food truck ministry, I was totally content to hand out groceries with pats on shoulders and lots of “God bless yous.”  Janie encouraged  me to join the prayer group at the end of the line and pray with the people after they got their groceries. “No,” I told her, “I’m fine.” I used the excuse that she and the others are better pray-ers than I am and that I’ll just keep doing the task—the bare minimum. That night the Lord convicted me. “You don’t want to get emotionally involved,” He seemed to say to me. “It’s not about how well anyone prays… in fact, it’s not about you at all. It’s about Me and the people I love. You are too protective of your heart and it’s time to step it up a notch!”

Then I saw Pam fearlessly walk up to a dirty, weather-worn homeless man, who hadn’t seen a shower in months, if not years. I had seen the man, sitting on a step, and I walked right by. This was our night out. This was a night for us to be tourists and see Hollywood Boulevard. But I felt God prick my heart when I saw Pam lay her hand on his shoulder and speak to him so kindly and gently. I knew I needed to step it up. I was still slacking.

I watched Teri in her calm and quiet way, as she poured into the young men and women we encountered at the Dream Center. I knew that Teri is the kind of person who would just as soon spend the day alone, puttering around her house, cooking something marvelous or planting something beautiful in her garden. But she chose, instead, to be obedient. And she wasn’t just going through the motions so she could say that she fulfilled her commitment to God. She poured her heart into Joe and Susie and Mack (fictitious name) and many others.

I learned how much Krista and I are alike. Loud, chatty, animated. But Krista knew why she was there. At the end of our trip, I felt relieved that my commitment to God had been fulfilled, and that I’d soon be going back home to my comfortable bubble, with no intention of returning to the Dream Center. But not Krista. Before we even left she said, without hesitation, that she’d be going back.

And then there’s Janie, who shares half a brain with me. We are so much alike and yet so different. Over the years, she has stretched me in directions I so didn’t want to go. Janie was Janie on our trip. What you see her doing in the lobby of our church, you see her doing in the middle of Skid Row and Venice Beach. Against all odds, in the midst of all kinds of suffering, Janie loves. And Janie inspires me to love.

A Three-Year-Old Dream

Almost three years ago, God laid a dream on my heart. Some people tried to discourage me--I tried to discourage myself. I hid it for months before I shared it with the people who could make it happen. And I still asked God to take it away if it wasn't from Him. Apparently, it was. In three days that dream will become a reality. We are going to the Dream Center in Los Angeles.

This is not a vacation. There will be no pedicures or lounging on the beach, no luxurious dining or shopping malls. We are going to serve people--people who make this Polly Anna girl uncomfortable. We will be serving in a world that, in the past, I would prefer to ignore. I haven't wanted to believe that it really exists. I am pretty comfortable with my life in my safe little bubble, but this week, I'll be stepping out of it. And I am praying that I and the others going with me will never be the same.

Get a Life... Take the Job!

My older daughter's birthday is this Wednesday. She would be 25. But she's almost 10 according to her heavenly birthday. March will never come without precious thoughts and memories of her. She was shy, but chipper, bubbly, funny, energetic, caring, loving, and always stood up for the under dog. In the first grade, she was chosen by her teacher to watch over, care for, and work with a little autistic boy in her class. He had an adult aid to work with him, and my daughter worked closely with her--in the first grade! That's how caring she was.

I miss her greatly. I grieve the loss of an adult relationship with her. But I can hear her saying, as she did when she was in the 8th grade and I was offered a full-time job, "Mom, get a life... you need a life... take the job."

God gave me the scripture above about two weeks after her death. I was trying to make sense of it all, which is futile. It doesn't make sense, and it won't this side of heaven. My "job" now is to trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly and love extravagantly. I've been working on that for almost ten years now. I have certainly not arrived, but I continue to strive as I hear my daughter's voice ringing in my distant memory, "Mom, get a life... you need a life... take the job!"

Perfect Peace

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

This verse is the only explanation I can find as to how I can function… how I keep getting up every morning and putting one foot in from of the other. Sometimes I feel so guilty for having peace and functioning in my daily life, when my loved one does not. When someone I love so much is suffering so severely, how can I keep moving forward and not be overcome with sorrow, grief and fear?

I cannot change my loved one… as much as I would like to and as much as I’ve tried… I cannot fit him into the box of what I think he should be.

God has put a calling on my life, and that calling is not to be paralyzed in constant sorrow, grief and fear. I was born to know God and believe Him, to glorify Him, to find satisfaction in Him, to experience His peace and enjoy His presence. (Breaking Free by Beth Moore)

So, I keep trusting—often a daily struggle—and my mind is steadfast, and He keeps me in perfect peace.

The Whole Creation Groans

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. Romans 8:22-23

I hear it all around me. I see it in the faces of those I love. I hear it in their voices.

The family who, far too soon, lost a father, husband, grandpa-to-be…

The mother whose heart is broken over her child’s drug and alcohol abuse…

The teenager who tried to take her own life…

The young man living on the streets…

The father who has been without work…

His family who is struggling just to make ends meet…

The leader who is struggling with the heavy burden of responsibility…

The single woman who aches to be a wife and mother…

We are all looking for something, groaning for something, aching for something. Jesus is that something. He stands at the right had of the Father, and one day, the Father is going to say the word (I get chills just thinking about it) and the waiting will be over. That trumpet will sound. The aching will end and the groaning will become singing—the voices of millions worshiping our God. Oh how I look forward to that day!

What Are You Afraid Of?

What Are You Afraid Of?

I am not afraid of a lot of things…

I’m not afraid to change my hair color, and I do quite frequently.

I’m not afraid to wear red boots or carry a pink purse.

I’m not afraid to fly.

I’m not afraid to walk into a room full of people I don’t know.

I’m not usually afraid to try new things, and I love to learn new things!

I’m not afraid to drive in snow and ice (good thing since we’ve had plenty this year!)

I’m not even afraid to drive in California!

What I am afraid of is pain… physical, emotional, or any other kind of pain. I’m afraid of hurting and I’m afraid of being hurt. Unfortunately, I’ve done plenty of both.

From my fear of pain, come lots of little fears…

I’m afraid of confrontation.

I’m afraid of saying no.

I’m afraid of facing painful realities—I have a thick wall of protection around my heart.

I’m afraid of failing.

I’m afraid of disappointing others.

I’m afraid of facing painful realities—did I say that already? Yes I did, because it’s probably my biggest fear. I have said that I’m the Queen of Denial because I have so often stuck my head in the sand and denied reality. You would think I would have learned by now that all that does is create more pain, prolong the pain, intensify the pain.

So, in a few weeks, I am going to step up to my fear, take it by the horns, and with God’s help move just a little beyond it. This good little Polly Anna, Bible Study Girl is going on a mission trip. As I said, I’m not afraid to fly there, I’m not afraid to drive there. I’m not even feeling any fear of gangs or violence. What I fear the most is looking into the face of a homeless man and truly trying to understand him… truly loving him… truly accepting him… and sincerely and honestly praying for him. Even though I may see the eyes and feel the pain of someone I deeply love as I look at him, I will not shrink back. I will do it. With God’s help, I will do it.

So, what are you afraid of?

Is There a Light Board in Heaven?

My Bible study this morning asked the question, “What brings you joy?” One of my answers was, “Serving on a team.” I have the privilege of serving on several amazing teams that design worship and provide technical support for worship services.

One of those teams suffered a great loss this week. A very important member, a man who I believe shares my joy in serving on a team, has moved on, changed his address, met his Maker. For him “…the weather has cleared and the sun shines bright. He sees it all now, he sees it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly just as He knows us.” (1 Corinthians 13:12-13 MSG)

That’s an interesting analogy for a guy who had a passion for lights. Tom ran the light board for our worship services. He set it all up, and trained a team of people to run it. He had a passion for excellence and visual harmony. He paid attention to details, wanting every light setting to coordinate with the song backgrounds. He had a great sense of humor and was a joy to work with. He mentored the younger guys on the “guru team” as we call our technical servants. He connected with everyone who served in our media loft. It’s kind of like a family up there, and he played a big part in creating that little community. He will be greatly missed.

We don’t know what we’re going to do without Tom, but 1 Corinthians 13 continues on to tell us that, until the weather clears for us, we have three things to do, “Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.”

Hence, my question… Is there a light board in heaven? Do they have a “disco cross?” Because if they do, I know that Tom is right there, asking about the details, ensuring there is visual harmony and color coordination, and creating a little community within that great cloud of witnesses.

We love you, Tom and we miss you already. We’ll be here to walk this journey with Brenda and your boys and their families. Thanks for leaving us a legacy and shining the light for us all to see Jesus. We’ll do our best to follow in your footsteps!