Anyway, I was struggling to get out of this funk, but I felt like I was wading through peanut butter. I couldn't think clearly, couldn't get enough sleep, and I was having a hard time finding God.
Then last night, I was reading Prince Caspian (C.S. Lewis) to my 5-year-old. I'm so glad that even at this young age, she enjoys those stories. We got to the part where Lucy senses that, for the first time in a very long time, Aslan is near. As I read the words, I got so choked up, I could hardly read without crying. I want to hear Jesus and be drawn to him the way Lucy is drawn to Aslan. I could almost hear Him calling but the peanut butter was just too thick, kind of like Lucy's deep sleep:
Lucy woke out of the deepest sleep you can imagine, with the feeling that the voice she liked best in the world had been calling her name. She thought at first it was her father's voice, but that did not seem quite right. Then she thought it was Peter's voice, but that did not seem to fit either...
"Lucy," came the call again, neither her father's voice nor Peter's. She sat up trembling with excitement but not with fear...Oh, to have the faith of Lucy! She hears the call, navigates her way through the dancing dryads, and at last, she sees Aslan:
But for the movement of his tail he might have been a stone lion, but Lucy never thought of that. She never stopped to think whether he was a friendly lion or not. She rushed to him. She felt her heart would burst if she lost a moment. And the next thing she knew was that she was kissing him and putting her arms as far round his neck as she could and burying her face in the beautiful rich silkiness of his mane...
"Welcome, child," he said.I can hardly type. The overwhelming longing to hear those words from Jesus. The amazing thought that He would welcome me! There is something deep within every one of us that longs to hear that voice. Something that needs to hear the words, "Welcome, child." To, at last, be safe in His arms. That is my unswerving hope.
Time to get out of this peanut butter and put it on toast!